Hope in Virginia

Kate at 3 1/2 Months

2012-01-27T14:21:00.005-05:00

First I need to point out...TWO POSTS IN ONE WEEK! Shocking! Hopefully you were able to get up to speed on Emma at 22 months...if not, read here.

So, on to my sweet Sarah Kate...

She has really turned into a little sweetie pie. While the first 10 or so weeks of her life were pretty tough - I had to hold her all night long and she was very fussy, especially in the car - she seems to have mellowed out.

First, by the grace of God, I got a sleeper! She is such the polar opposite of Emma. Listen to this general sleeping routine.

To bed around 8pm.
I wake her up around 5am to eat.
She goes right back to sleep until at least 10am (yesterday, it was 11:15am)
Down for a nap around noon, which can last up to 4 hours.
And finally a short "cat nap" in the PM

I keep holding my breath figuring that this is all going to change. But for now, I'm thanking my lucky stars. I will admit that her sleeping settled out when we started putting her down on her belly. I know, I know, don't judge me. But it works.

She's also a lot less fussy. She still has an ear piercing scream that she graces us with right before she falls asleep. But she usually will ride in the car without crying, which makes driving a whole lot less stressful.

Not sure about her size...she was right around 50% in everything at her 2 month check-up, though most people comment that she looks to be on the small side. She is definitely less sturdy than Emma was, meaning she has a floppier neck and just generally a newborn body. I've just started putting her into some 3-6 month clothes and size 2 diapers at night (since she sleeps so long, she was peeing out of her size 1).

Kate is a smiley baby and is pretty content to lay on our playmat while awake. We put her in the Bumbo seat some, too. She is quick to grab onto stuff within reach, be it a toy on her mat or my bra strap or hair while I'm feeding her. She has also become a finger sucker - her ring and middle finger - and I attribute her calmer demeanor to this now that she has something to soothe herself with.

We'll see how life changes as I head back to work on Monday. Yep, today is my last day of maternity leave. My sister-in-law will still have Emma three days a week but I'll keep Kate home with me (I work from home) for as long as I can. Pretty much until she gets too mobile for me to handle while juggling work. I feel very blessed to have the best of both worlds - stay-at-home mom and working mom - though sometimes it gets to be a little bit more than I can handle.

So, there you go. Consider yourself up-to-date on both of my precious girls. You're welcome!

Emma at 22 months

2012-01-24T13:47:00.003-05:00

Very hard to believe that in two short months we'll have a two year old. How can it be?

And what a personality this little one has. Boy oh boy, she keeps us on our toes. She is equal parts strong-will and sweetness!

Some new things she's doing include asking us to chase her around the room; saying "that tickles me" every time we touch her; counts to 5; knows about half of the alphabet and several colors; asks to sit on the potty and doing a good job peeing on it; adores bouncing (both in her crib and on the trampoline we got her for Christmas); and giving us kisses without being asked or us giving her one first.

She talks up a storm but about half the time we only know what she is saying because of the context. Almost everything seems to start with the "b" sound (for example, TV is be-be).

I don't know about her size because we haven't been to the doctor in ages, but she is starting to wear 24 month clothes and even a few 2Ts.

She goes to bed between 7-7:30pm and sleeps until about 7:30am. However, the last few nights she's woken up at some point during the night screaming. The first few times, we went in to console her but then it would take forever to get her back to sleep. So last night I popped in some earplugs instead! And she continues to not be an impressive napper, usually going from about 1-2:30pm.

She's done remarkably well with the addition of Kate...once in a while, she'll ask us to put Kate down so she can be held, but generally, she doesn't show any jealously. She still loves to hug on Kate and asks to hold her all the time on her "shoulder" like we hold her.

I'll do a separate post on Kate later, but wanted to give Emma all the attention for once!

A Lazy Post

2011-12-12T21:38:00.003-05:00

This blog has really gotten put on the backburner. For those who still care to follow, I apologize! Life has gotten away from me, especially during the busy holiday season.

So all I really have time and/or motivation to post right now is our Christmas card picture. Hopefully it's cute enough that you'll forgive me. Emma is 20 months and Kate is 2 months. Crazy!

Long Time, No Post

2011-11-11T21:46:00.009-05:00

I'm still here, promise. I've thought about posting several times and have then gotten sidetracked. But here I am with my little 19 month old and a 1 month old.

Yep, Kate is already past the 1 month mark. She is now 8lb 6oz and 21" (was 6lb 12oz/18" at birth).

Sleep continues to be a challenge. While Kate sleeps a lot during the day, she has the typical newborn fussy period in the evening and then is up pretty much every 3 hours throughout the night (at this point with Emma, she was giving us 5-7 hour stretches; perhaps we were spoiled). But the biggest challenge is that she will not sleep in her bassinet, and, unlike Emma, refuses to sleep in the carseat. This means that most nights I end up holding her the entire night.

We have found one way to get her to sleep in the bassinet and, horror upon horror, it means placing her on her stomach. Which is like the worst sin a mother can do, at least that is how it is made out to be. I've really struggled with it, which is why I usually just hold her. But honestly, that is probably less safe than putting her on her stomach. Sigh, we'll see.

Here are a few recent pictures...

Kate went as Piglet for Halloween.

Emma was a piggy, her favorite animal, at least for right now.

She's Here!

2011-10-11T12:33:00.006-04:00

Introducing Miss Sarah Kate Elder...

Kate arrived on Saturday, October 8th at 2:39pm, weighing 6lb 12 oz and measuring 18" long.

This delivery was TOTALLY different (much more painful) than Emma's. Kate arrived within an hour and a half of us arriving at the hospital and was done pretty much drug-free (not my choice!) because it happened so fast that they hardly had time to track down an anesthesiologist. It was crazy, but the end result is this precious girl, so I'm content.

Emma is so in love with baby Kate, probably a little too much, that I spend the entire day saying "gentle" and fending off ferocious hugs.

Now I think comes the even more challenging part, figuring out how to successfully juggle a newborn and a very active 18 month old. My heart breaks thinking about missing out on even a second of Emma's life while I tend to Kate's needs, and it is very hard for me to see Emma trying to adjust to such a shake up in her world. While she certainly loves her little sister, Emma is clearly out of sorts at this time. I'm praying that the adjustment goes smoothly on ALL of us.

A bunch of miscellaneous

2011-10-06T10:14:00.006-04:00

Just like I'm currently doing in my life - trying to wrap up loose ends before the baby arrives - I want to do that on my blog. Post about all the random things going on to make sure they are properly captured.

So here goes...

Emma is 18 months old! I still can't believe how quickly the last 6 months have gone by. Oh my goodness, she is at a fun age. She has a fun personality, is talking so much, is so affectionate, and we can actually play together with the interactions going both ways. I think I must tell her that "Mommy loves her SO much" about a hundred times a day.

I love all of her expressions and silliness
She loves to sing and has quite a repertoire of songs that she knows
She adores baby dolls and has gotten into changing their "stinky diapers"
She doesn't watch much TV but does enjoy Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Bubble Guppies
She's getting quite independent and wants to do things herself, like put her shoes on, which is just fine with me
She can follow multi-step directions, like "take your socks off and put your shoes on" or "take this to the trash and throw it away"
She is developing very good manners, saying "thank you, mommy" and "please, mommy" without prompting (melts my heart!)
She acts like such a big girl...just yesterday, about 8 neighborhood girls ranging from 2nd to 5th grade came over to get Emma to play with them. It was just too sweet. I don't think Emma realized she wasn't their age.
She talks a lot about Baby Kate (she says "Kate" so sweetly) but I'm sure she has no clue what is about to happen! We're working hard on teaching "be gentle!"

Here's Emma in her Virginia Tech gear for football season...go Hokies!

And another sweet one from last month. I think she's up to about 12 teeth!

The House! As you may recall, we made a big move this past March back to where our families live in Virginia. Since then, we've been slowly settling in and doing things around the house. The house had an unfinished basement that we JUST finished. I'm so happy to have that over with - took about 2 months! We've also added in new deck steps, changed out a lot of light fixtures throughout the house, and gotten a new refrigerator and microwave. New leather living room furniture is getting delivered tomorrow because I realized that the dark grey furniture we bought when we moved in is NOT cat friendly and WILL NOT be kid friendly.

The new baby! If baby comes when scheduled, we have 8 days left. Crazy! At my dr's appointment yesterday I was almost 3 cm dilated (that is a topic I never thought I'd voluntarily talk about!). I've gained 32 pounds so far, which is already 3 pounds more than I gained with Emma.

While I'm fine with baby staying in for as long as possible, I am done with this sciatica pain and just feeling big and blah. It's not that I'm not anxious to meet her, she's just much easier to care for in utero!

Here I am at 38 weeks.

I think that's about it. I'm guessing my next post will be a "baby is here" one so stay tuned!

Kate's Nursery

2011-09-28T14:25:00.008-04:00

As promised weeks ago, here are some pictures of Kate's nursery.

Now all we need is a baby to go in it. 16 days (or so) and counting...

Our Baby in 3D

2011-09-08T10:28:00.004-04:00

Yesterday we went in for an ultrasound, to check fluid levels and my fibroid, and were treated to a surprise 3D/4D ultrasound. There was a new tech who wanted to practice and we were willing volunteers. We never had this type of ultrasound with Emma so it was a real treat.

Can't believe we'll get to meet her - for real - in about 5 weeks!

#2

2011-08-30T20:43:00.002-04:00

I hope that I don't look back someday at this record of our family (this blog) and feel guilty for how little I've captured of this second pregnancy. Or look back at this time, in general, and regret not capturing it to the same degree that I did with Emma. Only one belly shot. No journal. No blog posts. No displaying of ultrasound pictures. I guess I already do feel a little guilty.

So here you go, baby #2, my attempt to make up for all that I've let slip.

Baby #2, our little girl, should make her grand debut in the next month in a half. I have 45 days to go until my due date. This has been, thankfully, an uneventful pregnancy. But it has been a bit harder than Emma's. While I never had to deal with morning sickness, my body is definitely more tired. Perhaps due to carrying around a 17 month old in addition to the extra 25lbs I've already gained. My back and feet and hips hurt more and I haven't been able to exercise as much as I did with Emma.

As many of you know, this pregnancy was a total surprise. After going through IVF in order to conceive Emma, we didn't think there was a chance in the world that we'd conceive naturally. And as many of you know, I had a really tough time adjusting to mommyhood - obviously loving Emma beyond belief but also struggling with the work/life/baby balance and the frustrations of dealing with a baby.

It definitely took me awhile to come around to the idea of having 2 babies within 18 months. But I am so happy to say that I am finally excited to soon be a mother to two sweet little girls. While I'm happy for #2 to stay in as long as possible, we are definitely getting excited to meet her. I have her room all decorated - will post pictures another time - and have clothes already hanging in her closet.

AND we've decided on a name. Sarah Kate. We are going to call her Kate. We talk with Emma a lot about Baby Kate, though I think it just goes over her head at this point. She does kiss my belly when I ask her where Baby Kate is. It's very sweet.

So, there you go, a real, actual update on Baby #2. Over the next 45 days, I'm going to try my best to make up for the lost months of not appreciating this little miracle. What a shame that I wasted this special time. I'm sorry, Kate, and I love you!

Our Vacation

2011-08-23T22:33:00.006-04:00

We survived Disney and steamy Orlando in mid-August and actually had a fabulous time.

The diciest time came on our flight home when a 1.5 hour flight turned into a 3 hour flight because we had to be diverted due to weather. Emma completely missed her naps that day, so I can't really blame her. I didn't even feel guilty about her temper tantrum and what other people around me thought...she's 17 months old and overtired. Get over it!

Here are a few pictures from our trip. We spent one day at the Magic Kingdom, which I consider a success because we were able to ride 9 rides! And that's even with leaving mid-day for a nap. Other than the park, we went outlet shopping, swam in the hotel pool, went to the world's biggest McDonalds' indoor playground (!), and spent time at Downtown Disney.

I generally hate the paci during awake time, but it was so hot and it was a comfort to Emma, who is also cutting 4 teeth at one time

Riding Dumbo with Daddy

It's a Small World

Passed out tired at Downtown Disney...little hint that it was time for a nap

Mickey Mouse!

2011-08-10T09:50:00.002-04:00

On Sunday, we leave for Orlando...aka the home of Mickey Mouse!

We want to squeeze in one last family vacation before we become a family of 4 (and most likely become trapped at home for months learning to survive). Flights are not cheap out of our local airport, but there is one airline - Allegiant Air - that flies solely to Orlando for about $30-$50 each way. What a bargain.

Emma isn't really into TV characters yet, but she definitely knows Mickey and Minnie. I don't suspect that we'll do a full fledged Disney vacation, but we do want to spend one day at the Magic Kingdom. But we are going to take it totally laid back and go at whatever pace we can for an almost 17 month old and a 7 month pregnant old lady like myself.

If anyone has tips on doing Disney, or any vacation for that matter, with a little one, please share! I figure we'll go to the Magic Kingdom in the morning. Leave around lunchtime for the hotel and hopefully all get a little nap in. Then head back in late afternoon. Other than that, I see some relaxing by the pool and some outlet shopping in our future. Any other ideas on what to do?

On a side note, Emma is in the process of dropping her 2nd nap. Crazy timing right around vacation, but maybe it will be to our benefit. We'll see.

Favorite Books

2011-07-19T12:01:00.003-04:00

Emma is just now getting to the point where she'll sit still for longer than 2 seconds and let you read her a book. It's a nice place to be.

We definitely have some favorites in the household. Emma has some favorites. And I have a few that I particularly like to read because they are so catchy.

Emma LOVES "Snuggle Puppy" and "Pajama Time" by Sandra Boynton. If you say "It's pajama time" she immediately replies "yeah, yeah." She also loves lifting the flaps while I read "Dear Zoo" by Rod Campbell.

I love to read to her "Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom" by Bill Martin, "Llama Llama Red Pajama" by Anna Dewdney, and "Let's Dance, Little Pookie" by Sandra Boynton.

We definitely hope she grows up a lover of books.

What are some of your favorites?

IVF Frequency On the Increase?

2011-06-17T11:23:00.003-04:00

I am utterly amazed at the number of people in my life who have done IVF. While the topic seems to be kept on the down low, time and time I've come across someone who conceived through IVF.

Two cousins. A friend at church. An old high school friend. A former colleague. It's truly amazing, and pretty awesome.

I'd be interested to see statistics on the rate of conceptions through IVF. I assume the numbers must be increasing - not just that the procedure is getting more successful, but that more and more people are turning to it as a last resort (versus believing that a baby is not in their future because they cannot conceive naturally).

Is it because the science is getting so good that couples, who in the past may have tried and tried for many years with no luck, are turning to IVF sooner?

Is it because it is covered under SOME health insurance plans? Yes, I know, the rate of coverage isn't nearly where it should be.

I wonder about our own scenario. We tried for about a year and a half before turning to IVF. I know that many of my blog friends tried for much longer than that. In the past, was IVF just for those who had tried for many, many years? And now it is an option sooner in the process?

I don't know, I'm just brainstorming on this Friday because I'm so intrigued by it all.

Feel free to leave your thoughts.

Am I Taking A Break?

2011-06-03T10:07:00.003-04:00

That's sure what it feels like. It's been over a month since my last post. Almost daily I check the blog and read the blogs of the friends who I follow, but I've just not gathered the motivation to write a piece of my own.

Why? I guess I don't know.

I always looked at this blog as a way to, first, chronicle my struggles with infertility, and then, to document my journey to motherhood. And, finally, to capture all the milestones in my little girl's life. But now, with work, and just plain life, I don't have a lot of motivation. I hope that changes.

I will let you know that we found out on Monday that Emma is going to have a baby sister in October. Yep, another girl in our household. Hubby is getting dramatically out-numbered. Finding this piece of info out definitely makes it seem more real and I've even started poking around online looking at nursery bedding.

As far as Emma, she's full blown walking, really starting to walk well on her 14 month birthday. She's also talking up a storm, able to repeat back almost any word that you say (might not be intelligible, but it's a try). She completed her first set of swim lessons and she clearly loves the water. While most of the other babies were tentative, Emma showed no fear and was happy to be dunked completely under or to blow bubbles. Our neighborhood pool just opened so I foresee a lot of hours spent there.

And then one other thing. Hubby and I are going to the Bahamas next week to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. This will be the first time we've both left Emma overnight (will be a total of 4 nights). I know she'll be in good hands with our moms, but I'm still a little nervous.

Ok, so in the midst of typing this piece about not having motivation, I got a little motivation to provide a quick update. It's a start.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T20:13:00.004-04:00

Blah

2011-04-19T10:35:00.003-04:00

That's how I've been feeling. Both Emma and I have had a cold for the past few days. She's pretty much over it but I'm still feeling the effects. Hard to function - meaning take care of a baby and a house and work - when feeling way less than 100%.

I don't really have much to write. As for a quick update on Emma...

I think she's really close to walking. She loves to push her shopping cart around the playroom. And she so purposefully will let go of whatever she's holding on to and gets thrilled with being able to stand without holding on. She falls a few seconds later, but it's really cute. She does a weird thing with her foot, though. She walks fine on her right one but always on the toes of her left foot. Hopefully it sorts itself out and doesn't interfere with her walking development.
Naps have been crap recently. Usually an hour or so around 9:30am and an hour or so around 2:30pm. I know it could be worse, but I really feel she needs more sleep than that. She's pretty much a mess by 5:30pm, but I try to hold off until at least 6pm to start the bedtime routine. Not sure there is anything I can do to fix this issue.
It is so fun seeing a personality develop. Two words I would use to describe Emma are observant and strong willed. She is always taking in the word around her. And she definitely knows what she wants. While I generally think this is positive, it also raises some challenges.
A few favorite words. Emma babbles a lot but her two favorite things to say are "Da-da" and "Jo-jo," which is the name of our neighbor's dog. She'll also repeat words after you, which reminds me of the episode of Friends when Phoebe tries to teach Joey French. If you've seen it, you'd understand.

So, I guess that's about it. Just didn't want to go so long without posting again, but nothing exciting to report.

I'm so out of it

2011-04-06T09:11:00.018-04:00

Has it really been that long since I last posted? And so much has happened that it feels a bit overwhelming trying to capture it all in a single blog post. Please forgive me for resorting to bullet points and pictures.

We moved out of our condo in Alexandria, Virginia and into our house in Southwest Virginia (about a 4 hour drive). It was bittersweet leaving the place we lived for the past 8 years and Emma's first home. It's going to be quite a while before the new place feels like home.
Emma turned 1 the day before the moving truck arrived.

I had an ultrasound 2 weeks ago that showed a little one on track to make his/her debut October 14th. Today we go in for the first trimester screening, which includes another ultrasound. Almost through the first trimester. Still struggling, more on that in another post.
We received the proofs from Emma's 1 year photoshoot and there are just too many cute ones to choose from; a good situation to be in but not good on the wallet. Here are a few of my favorites.

We had Emma's birthday party once we were settled in the new house, so about 2 weeks after her actual birthday.

You have to click on the last picture to really tell what it is, a collection of all of Emma's picky sticky pictures from the last year.

I think that captures the highlights from the past 20 or so days. I'll try not to disappear again.

Who Am I?

2011-03-14T12:12:00.003-04:00

No, this isn't going to be some philosophical or existential post. It's just me deciding to give my blog friends a glimpse at who I am in real life (whether you actually care or not).

What's your real name? Kristin

So, where did "Hope" come from? When we were trying, month after month, to conceive our little miracle, each month, hubby and I would joke that we had "high hopes for" whatever that month was. So, for example, "high hopes for May." It became a cute joke between us. And, thus, I became Hope. And I live in Virginia. Duh!

What's hubby's real name? Michael

What's Emma's real name? Emma (haha, you thought I'd been tricking you on that one)

Tell us about your family. I have two older brothers, and I'm the youngest, and only, girl. My parents divorced when I was very small, and I was raised by my mom who did an AWESOME job being both mommy and daddy to us. All my family (but not my dad), as well as hubby's family, live in and around the town we are moving to in Southwest Virginia. Hubby is an only child.

What's your personality like? Hmm, not sure on this one. I am pretty type A - organized, detailed, and, unfortunately, a worrier. I always considered myself to be outgoing until I got to college. And realized that the "outgoing" kids were much crazier than me! I'm not an introvert but I don't love being around tons of people. I'm pretty mellow. A good night for me includes pizza, Doritos, and a good movie!

I LOVE sports! In high school, I played basketball, volleyball and tennis, and considered playing tennis in college. Definitely grew up a tomboy, having two older brothers. I'm hoping Emma will be, too! Though a tomboy who plays sports with cute bows in her hair :)

Where'd you go to college? University of Richmond. Go Spiders! Watch out NCAA b'ball tourney!

What do you do for a living? I have to preface this answer by saying I love politics. I moved to Washington, D.C. right after college to work on Capitol Hill for a Senator. From there, I lobbied for a health care association and worked on several campaigns (including a presidential in 2008). Right now I work for a public relations firm doing "competitive intelligence" for a Fortune 8 company. Thankfully I get to work from home! While this isn't a purely political job, it is stable and I appreciate not living election cycle to election cycle any more. I also have my own research consulting company on the side that keeps my hand in political campaigns.

About your blog...does your family read it? No, my family does not read my blog. I've mentioned a few times that I have a blog, and even printed out a blog post for a few of them to read one time. But I view this as my private forum to talk about frustrations, hopes, etc. Hubby doesn't even read it!

So that's probably enough info about me for the time being! Kind of feels good to "come clean!"

So, what's new?

2011-03-11T08:59:00.004-05:00

The answer, not much.

Moving date is set for March 21st and not a single box has been packed yet. Hubby's work schedule is insane right now. He hasn't been home before midnight in the past two weeks, working weekends, and off to work first thing in the morning. Pretty poor timing. Hopefully we'll get a little done this weekend, and then the following weekend, both grandmas are coming up to watch Emma and help. So hopefully in the end, it will all get done before the moving truck arrives.

Lots of work going on at the new house. The entire place has been painted and new carpet has been laid in the bedrooms. It will probably look like a totally new place from the last time we saw it. Oh, and did I mention that we sold our condo? Hooray! Perfect timing! We'll close just a few days after we move out.

On the 1st birthday front, preparations are underway. We are planning a little get together with friends in Northern Virginia the weekend before we move to say good-bye and celebrate Emma's birthday (it will actually be the day of her birthday). Then, once we move, we'll do a party with family, which will be her "main" party.

And did I mention that we have 50+ family members in town between the two of us (well, mostly on hubby's side)? Obviously we can't do a party that big so there might end up being some hurt feelings. But I'm ok with that. Better that Emma have a fun, manageable party than her parents lose their minds and baby be overwhelmed. Just my opinion.

We are going to do a pink and green theme for the party, with some cupcake decorations sprinkled in. I've bought several things from Etsy for the party, including a Happy Birthday banner and some cute favors.

I also bought this little onesie for Emma to wear to announce our news about the new little one to our parents next weekend when they come to visit.

Guess that sounds like a little bit more than "not much" going on.

11 Months Old

2011-03-02T15:53:00.005-05:00

One teeny, tiny month short of a full year.

New things in the past month...

Knows what a cow ("ooooo") and dog ("oo, oo, oo") say, though they kind of sound the same
Loves to "honk" mommy and daddy's noses
Pats her head upon command
Waves at absolutely everything and everyone, which has gotten me into awkward conversations at restaurants and the grocery store where I want to say "No, ma'am, you aren't special, she waves at the wall..."
Standing up very steadily. Sometimes lets go and then realizes she's not holding onto anything, promptly falling to the ground
Just today started making the "m" sound. Thought this day would never come. Come on, girl, give me a good, loud "mama"!
Starting to turn into a cuddlebug after 11 months of pushing us away all the time
Pats us on the back when she's giving us a hug
Loves to blow kisses and once in awhile will give you a proper kiss on the lips
Cries when told "no" and seems to know when she's doing something she's not supposed to do
Shakes her head "yes" and "no" but not always at the right time
Drinks well out of sippy cup and eats most any table food you give her
Starts dancing as soon as music comes on (unfortunately she seems to be copying mommy and daddy who are not good dancers!)

Those are the highlights. I just can't believe the next month post will be the big 1 YEAR!

Emotions

2011-02-23T10:29:00.003-05:00

I'm going to try to put into words all the emotions swimming around in my head these days. I'm in a whole new place right now and it feels weird, scary, overwhelming.

Disbelief: As an infertile who had sex a gazillion times with no resulting pregnancy, and who had to do IVF to have our first little miracle, I am in disbelief that I could have sex one time and get pregnant. I've heard that it can happen, but never thought it would be part of my story.

Scared: Emma just turned 11 months and I am just FINALLY feeling like I'm bonding with her. She has not been an overly affectionate baby up until now and I always felt I was giving out without getting much in return. Of course there are the sweet smiles and funny antics, but really it was just daily routine with a laugh here and there. In the last month, Emma has become so much more fun. Playing with me. Hugging me. Acting like she knows I'm her mommy. And it's been great. I had a very easy pregnancy the first time around, but months 1-8 were pretty tough once she was here. I am scared thinking about starting all over with another baby.

Overwhelmed: It also scares me somewhat thinking about having a 18 month old and a newborn. I know that people manage all the time in similar situations, but I've felt overwhelmed with just one baby. Not sure how I'll handle two.

Trying to plan the future: My husband and I were happy with one baby but thought we'd definitely try for a second since we have one embryo frozen. I never thought I'd have three children and obviously that is not a done deal, but it does have my mind thinking about our little frozen embryo. Of course we could give a FET a try and it wouldn't work out so I probably shouldn't worry about it at this point. But just another thought on my mind.

Guilty: I feel a sense of shame and guilt for not being 100% excited. Guilty for not being as excited as I was when I found out I was pregnant with Emma. Guilty for the fact that I know I have a lot of blog friends who read my posts and would give anything for a natural pregnancy. Guilty for not immediately loving this baby as much as I loved Emma. I even feel guilty about having another little one and that taking away from being able to share time with just Emma while she is still so young.

Ok, so there are all the negative emotions I'm feeling right now. What a downer post. I apologize if you actually got through the whole thing and now think I'm a total jerk or unappreciative person. I know that God has a plan for us, and this baby is part of it. It can just be overwhelming when God's plan is quite different than your own plan. But infertility was never part of my plan and it was part of God's. Guess he works in mysterious ways.

I promise my next post will be a little more positive.

The News...

2011-02-19T19:44:00.002-05:00

October 14th. Apparently that's my due date. It feels so strange just typing that. But, yes, I found out yesterday that I am indeed pregnant. Wow. Still taking it all in. I'm sure I'll post in a few days a little bit more about it.

On the house front, we closed on the house yesterday. Hubby couldn't come in for the closing so I had to sign for him, which made it kind of anti-climatic because, when I was done signing, it was just me with a set of keys. I got a little cleaning done yesterday and will make my first of I'm sure many trips to Lowe's tomorrow. We plan to officially move around March 21st.

Crazy, hectic, stressful, exciting week, that's for sure.

A Really Big Week

2011-02-15T14:48:00.003-05:00

Most weeks of my life are pretty much the same. Work. Taking care of Emma. Figuring out meals. Running errands. Church. Cleaning. Laundry. You get the idea.

But then some weeks are really big. Those weeks hold something to which you are really looking forward. Well, I have two huge things this week.

On Thursday, I go to the doctors to find out whether I am pregnant. Wow!

On Friday, I will sign the papers to officially close on our new house. Wow!

No wonder I'm not sleeping well this week. Too much on my mind. This is a really big week.

Why I'm Wordless

2011-02-10T09:52:00.006-05:00

I know it might seem weird that I just posted the picture with my last post and didn't put any commentary. Here's why I did that:

I'll be perfectly honest. My emotions are all over the map about this. Excited. Scared. Overwhelmed. Beyond surprised. I need to time to sort through all of this if indeed we've been blessed with a little miracle.
That test was taken 3 days after my missed period. Way, way, way early. I don't go to the doctor until next Thursday. So different than with IVF where I got to see increasing betas every two days. I'm still not convinced it could be possible.
I've heard of other people getting pregnant naturally after IVF and infertility (Yay for AP, Waiting for our Child, and Hope) but I was absolutely, positively convinced that wouldn't happen to me. In fact, I was laughing with another IVF friend just about a week ago when she told me that I better be careful since we weren't using protection. "Ha! Ha! Yeah right! I'm infertile remember?" It's like winning the lottery. You know someone will win it but it won't be you.
And perhaps in the TMI category, when we were trying before IVF, we literally had sex every day during my ovulation period. This past month, we had sex once.

So there you go, friends. I guess I'll be hanging tight over here until next Thursday and will let you know how this all turns out.

The Biggest Surprise Of My Life

2011-02-08T17:27:00.002-05:00

Monitor Watching Haiku

2011-01-31T15:34:00.002-05:00

Napping, watching, breathe
Baby laying still for now
Red flash, awake, sigh

Double Digits

2011-01-25T16:00:00.002-05:00

Miss Emma is a whooping 10 months old. She's actually 10 months, 5 days, but I just returned from a work trip so was just able to snap my monthly picky sticky picture today.

And, goodness, it took me 27 pictures before I got one decent one. Emma spent the other 26 trying to pull the picky sticky off her onesie. Sure was easier when she was just a blob, though I wouldn't trade that smile (or the two pearly whites on the bottom, thanks for noticing) for anything.

Things haven't changed that much since 9 months, other than the full emergence of the aforementioned mentioned teethies. And today I noticed that I must have a woodchuck for a daughter, because there are bite marks ALL OVER her crib. Guess I need to get a protector of some sort.

Emma continues to be extremely mobile - crawling and pulling up on everything - but no steps yet. My guess is that she'll walk before 12 months, but we'll see. She's able to move around pretty well while standing up by using the furniture for support. Her favorite thing is to crawl as fast as lightening over to my purse when I've forgotten to zip it up and pull as much as she can out before I can get over there to rescue the purse.

Naps continue to be bad for us. Today it was two 1-hour naps. Last week I thought we'd made a break through as she was taking close to two 2-hour naps. But I should have known that all good things come to an end. But at least her night sleep is good, and she's regularly going at least 12 hours without waking.

Feeding wise, Emma is increasingly loving table food. Today for lunch she had some puffs and teddy grahams, followed by yogurt, some pureed veggies, two full slices of ham, crust off my pizza, and some more teddy grahams to top it all off. We still do baby food but try to work in table food whenever we can. And still at 3 nursings a day.

And I've started thinking about the first birthday party! What fun! We will hopefully be moving in to our new house around that time so it will be pretty chaotic. I'm thinking a cupcake themed party since someone already gave her a birthday dress with cupcakes on it and, well, I love cupcakes.

That's all for now, folks. Can't believe January is quickly coming to an end. Take care.

The Long Anticipated House Post - Part 2

2011-01-07T10:23:00.005-05:00

If you missed the riveting Part 1 of this story, you can read it here.

When I last left you, the closing had just fallen through on a house we'd been anticipating moving into for the past three months. We were definitely disappointed.

That evening, I decided to do a quick search to see what the current inventory of houses for sale looked like, something that I'd been doing regularly even with a contract on a house (I just can't help myself). Lo and behold, a listing I hadn't seen before popped up.

It was for a 5 bedroom/2.5 bath house that would be close to 4,700 sq ft once the basement is finished (as a comparison, we currently live in a 1,000 sq ft condo). It is in the most "exclusive" neighborhood in the city - which we're talking about a small town here, folks, so that's why I put that word in quotes. But, the few $1 million+ houses in the city are in this neighborhood.

But this wasn't a new listing. So, you ask, why did it just now appear within my search terms? Because it had just been reduced by $80,000! And, when it first went on the market almost two years ago, it was over $125,000 higher than the current list price. Holy cow, that's a lot of money. Guess we should be thankful for a bad housing market!

Hubby and I decided to go see the house. What's the harm, right? Hubby reminded me several times beforehand that we were just looking and that we should still be in the mourning process for the old house. "Right, right," I replied.

So, we go see the house. And we fell in love! The house is just perfect for us. While there are definitely some upgrades that we'll do (mainly the kitchen - it has great cabinets, but needs new countertops - and then finishing the basement), it is in perfect move-in condition. It has space for hubby and me to both have an office. And a GIGANTIC room over the TWO CAR garage that will be an unbelievable playroom for Emma.

Everything we were "giving up" with the old house - a garage, an eat-in kitchen area, a big master bedroom, a big master bathroom, closet space, an extra bedroom or two - is just perfect in this house. And, unlike the other house where we were going to spend at least $35,000 just to get it ready to move in, all we'll do is change out the carpet in the bedrooms and paint. And, voila, we'll move in.

Other pluses of this house...it is about a 3 minute walk from where Emma will go to Kindergarten through fifth grade. Yes, folks, I'll be able to walk my daughter to school which charms the pants off me. The school has a great playground, which we'll get a lot of use out of. And the house is about a 5 minute walk to the swimming pool that we'll join. While it isn't right off the main street like we wanted, it is only a little over a mile away, so still walkable.

And the other upside to this story is that we made an offer on the house around 8am the next morning and the whole negotiation was done by about 4pm that day (and we got it for even less than list price for a total of $135,000 less than when it was first listed). So totally opposite from the long drawn-out process we'd just gone through. The appraisal and inspection are already completed and we are scheduled to close on February 18th.

We are so excited about this house. For some reason, I guess because of the weird process with the other house, we never let ourselves get too excited because we felt like it could fall through at any minute (and we were right). And while something unexpected could still happen, the odds are really good that this will be our house in a month and a half. Yay!

Now, we just need to sell this darn condo (but that's another plus...if we had closed on the first house over Christmas, we'd already be paying two mortgages. But now we have a little bit longer to try to sell our condo. Glass half full!)

The Long Anticipated House Post - Part 1

2011-01-04T11:13:00.004-05:00

Please try to contain your excitement...here goes.

As a recap, we had a contract on a house in Salem, Virginia that was in the perfect location for us. Just steps from the main street, shops, restaurants, etc. The house was a nice old one - built in 1928 - and had loads of potential but was going to take quite a bit of money to shape it into what we wanted. We figured we have to put in close to $35,000 right from the start and probably around $100,000 over the whole time we lived there. But we expected it to be our long-term house so that was ok.

It had been For Sale By Owner for 2 years...that should have been the first clue.

We first put the contract on the house in September and were scheduled to close a few days before Christmas. I won't even get into how long and drawn out the process was and how it seemed like the sellers could care less if the house ever sold. Just take my word for it. Very strange process. Very strange sellers.

We got a call a few days before the scheduled closing from the closing agent (who also served as the sellers' lawyer since neither side used Realtors) saying that the sellers needed a few more days to move their stuff out. Ahh, ok. As if three months wasn't enough. But we went with it.

We then got a call on the Friday before Christmas saying that it was taking a really long time to get the information from the sellers' bank as to what he owed to pay off his mortgage. And the settlement statement couldn't be written without it. Closing would probably have to be delayed even further. Ahh, ok.

Well, I will make a long story short for you. Ends up, the seller had STOPPED paying his mortgage in 2008. Hadn't paid property taxes during that time either. AND had two liens against him, each for $30,000. Can you believe it? We found this all out the day before we were scheduled to close. With all of that, there was no way the seller could close and pay off his mortgage. Which means his only option is a short sale and we want nothing to do with that. It can take 60-90 days just to find out whether your offer is accepted. And we're done dealing with this seller.

So we walked away. Tears definitely flowed. Not so much even for losing out on the house. But for after months of frustration to have it fall through at literally the last second. Really unbelievable.

Stay tuned for Part #2 with a happier ending!

Merry (a few days after) Christmas

2011-01-02T09:23:00.005-05:00

We had a nice visit with the family over Christmas. Loads of cousins equals loads of fun, noise and craziness. And we even had a white Christmas which is rare in our neck of the woods. Here are a few pictures we captured of Emma's first Christmas.

Crawling down the hall first thing Christmas morning at Grammy's house

Emma's one present from Mommy and Daddy...wonder what it is????

It's a...Rocking Horse!

Family Portrait

P.S. I have a big update on the new house front...will save for a post in the very near future. Let's just say when God closes a door it's awesome to see him open up a window!

Three-Fourths of a Year

2010-12-21T15:21:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, Emma turned 9 months old.

My sweet baby girl has been out in the world almost as long as she was in my tummy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

So, how are things going?

Vitals: 16lb, 15oz (20th percentile); 26 3/4" long (26th percentile)

Nighttime Sleep: We FINALLY dropped the middle of the night feeding. We now, once in a while, get a night with no waking up. Usually daddy still has to get up around 3:00am to soothe Emma back to sleep. She's usually in bed by 6 or 6:15pm and up around 6:30am or 7am

Nap: Emma is still not a great napper. In total, she probably gets close to 3 hours of naps a day, divided among 2 naps. Today, it was 2 - 1.5 hour naps. I admit to being very jealous reading about all of you with good napping children out there!

Eating: We are down to only three nursing sessions a day - first thing in the morning, after the first nap, and then before bed. We also do three meals of solids a day. She will pretty much eat anything. Today she ate some of my linguine from Noodles and even a few bites of chicken. Favorite food is probably peach Greek yogurt. We are trying to do more table food and less baby food, but that means mommy actually cooking (boo!).

Developmental: Crawling, crawling, crawling. She's so quick. And pulling up on everything. Still no teeth. And pretty much just grunting. Still waiting for the first "ma ma" or "da da." Perhaps she's waiting to give it to us as a Christmas present?

I think that covers the basics. Here's one more picture that I love of Emma riding on Daddy's shoulders. She raises her hand in the air and looks like a cowgirl on a bucking bronco!

Shame. On. Me

2010-12-09T11:14:00.003-05:00

It's been entirely too long since I sat down long enough to focus on a blog post. I still take time to read other people's posts, but that hasn't translated into a new post for me. I'm sure my absence hasn't ruined anyone's day yet, but, since I view this blog as a scrapbook of sorts, I'd like to avoid gaping holes.

So, here's what's been going on.

Baby is crawling like a mad woman. I turn my head for a second and she's halfway across the room. She loves outlets and our computer modem (it sits on the ground), which is a problem. She also loves to pull herself up. Imagine my surprise the first time I looked at her on the video monitor and found her standing up staring right back at me. And then watching her reach out and knock the video camera over!

On the (in)fertility front, hubby and I had a sit-down with our RE this week to chat about what the process will be if we want to try for another baby. We do have ONE embryo frozen so we'd do a FET. And, since I have regular periods, we'd do it as a "natural cycle" which would entail just one shot. Sounds good to me! And the RE assures me that they only freeze very high quality embryos that have a good chance of implanting. Obviously no guarantees, but still good to know.

The RE wants me to do it as soon as possible - once I'm done breastfeeding - because he is fearful that, if it doesn't work, I'll be that much older in attempting full-blown IVF (which I'm not convinced we want to do again regardless). He says that Emma is a "miracle baby" given my ovarian situation. I think we know full well she's a miracle!

I'm thinking maybe next summer at the earliest. We'll see. And even though we'll have moved out of the area by then, it will only entail one trip back up here for the embryo transfer. Everything else will be done remotely (bloodwork, monitoring, etc).

We did change our insurance to another provider offered by hubby's work because we almost exhausted the $15,000 lifetime cap with Aetna. Now we'll let Anthem have some fun. Thankfully they have a separate $15,000 cap. Hopefully they won't require me to do a bunch of the same crud again before they let me move onto the actual procedure.

So, that's probably enough for now. I'll end with one little photo. This is what we used for our Christmas card. I just love it!

A Very Shutterfly Christmas

2010-11-17T15:49:00.003-05:00

I just found out about this unbelievable Shutterfly promotion for bloggers. Bloggers who use Shutterfly, and write a quick post about their experiences with the photo site, get 50 free holiday cards! That's huge. Here are the details.

One reason it makes me so happy to write this post is because I've already started designing this year's Christmas cards on Shutterfly and am just waiting for a chance to snap the perfect picture of Emma to use for the card!

Here's the card that we're using this year.

I had a really hard time deciding, which card to use because they have a TON to choose from...check them out for yourself. I decided to go with this one because it uses a single picture; given my photography skills, capturing just one perfect picture, even given the beautiful subject, will be a challenge! I also picked this one because I love the red - it will go perfectly with the Christmas dress I got her from Gymboree - and because of the sentiment. I feel like this year has been filled with a lot of JOY for us.

Ever since Emma was born, I've uploaded all of our pictures to Shutterfly - it makes it really easy to share photos and to keep them organized. I have each month of her life organized in a separate folder.

When she turns one, I fully intend to do a one year photo book that highlights my favorite pictures from the year (I will MAKE myself do this because I think it will be a terrific keepsake). We have a friend who made a similar photobook for her daughter because babies love to look at themselves and she didn't want her good photobook to get all chewed and torn up. I think I'll do the same.

Shutterfly has loads of options to choose from for photobooks as well. If I was a little more on top of it, I'd make some great photobook gifts for Christmas presents this year. The upside to that is 1) they are inexpensive and 2) I can't imagine a gift a grandma would like better! Sigh, maybe next year.

So there you go. A win win for me! I get to tout a site that I already love AND I get a little Christmas present for doing it!

Things Going On In My Life

2010-11-12T21:33:00.003-05:00

I'm too tired right now to piece together all of these items into one coherent, well written blog post. So I'll resort to my best friend, the bullet point.

We are finalizing a contract on a new house (4 hours away from where we currently live)! Our loan application was submitted today, and we are scheduled to close on December 23rd. Our condo is still on the market. Boo! We've had a fair amount of traffic through but people just don't seem in a hurry right now to buy. We have until March to sell - that's when we want to be settled into our new house - praying it all works out in the end.
Hubby didn't get home before 9pm from work each night this week. I'll have to reintroduce him to his daughter this weekend!
On the infertility front, my husband's work is in the midst of its annual health insurance open enrollment. We've exhausted our lifetime cap on IF benefits with our current insurer so we are switching to one of the other options so that we can reset the cap (that does work, right? Please tell me that I haven't overlooked something!). It's weird to think about doing the whole process over again. But we are having serious discussions about baby spacing (2 years or 3?). I don't think we'll try the frozen egg transfer next year but we want to keep our options open. Yes, we have one wee little embie on ice! Not sure I'm quite ready for redoing the IF treatment process and dealing with that emotional roller coaster, but I also realize that I'm not getting any younger.
On a totally different note, my big brother announced this week that he is running for Virginia's House of Delegates! Very exciting! I come from a pretty political family so it was a given that eventually it would happen. He is running to fill the seat of a current Delegate who won his election for the House of Representatives this month. I'm especially loving it because I love campaigns and am getting the opportunity to help out. I'll keep you posted. The special election will be in January.

So, folks, that's about it for now. Tired. Must go to bed!

Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Freeze

2010-11-06T21:31:00.002-04:00

Please don't mind the obnoxious lady bouncing up and down and just pay attention to the sweet little girl...

Baptism

2010-11-04T16:15:00.004-04:00

Just a quick post because I feel like I would be a negligent parent if I didn't at least write something about Emma's baptism, which happened this past Sunday (yep, a Halloween baptism).

The morning of the baptism

After the service with mommy and daddy

Our church is Anglican and they do infant baptism. I'm used to the idea of infant christening or dedications, but I came around to the idea of baptism. Basically the idea is that you, as a parent, are taking the first step, on behalf of your child, and then, later in life, the child must take the next step to accept Christ.

We had tons of family come into town - my mom, my two brothers, their wives and combined 7 children, my husband's mom and stepdad, and husband's dad, stepmom and half-sister. Needless to say we had a very full house. After the service, we had a room reserved at the church and had a little donut and coffee party with family and friends. It was all very nice.

And then we celebrated the pagan holiday of Halloween. Smile!

Happy wordless Halloween!

2010-10-29T22:04:00.004-04:00

Oh, 7 months, where did you go?

2010-10-27T13:46:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I'm a mommy to a 7 month old. How can that be?

Here's what Emma's been up to these days.

Size:

15lbs 13oz, not much more than she weighed at her 6 month check-up (15lbs 9oz).
Can wear most of her 3-6 month clothes still, but usually wears 6-9 months since it is starting to get colder.
Size 3 diapers. Discovered Huggies Overnight Diapers (in size 3), which have made a world of difference in stopping what we call poop-splosions and pee-splosions during the night.

Night: The last few weeks have been rough at night. I wrote last week off to her Fifths Disease and ended up feeding her usually twice during the night. Then this week has not been much better, but I refuse to feed her more than once. That means we've had at least an hour of screaming in the middle of night each night...fun! Today I bought some earplugs!

Naps:

Increasingly, the 3rd nap is going away.
She is a random napper. Yesterday she took a 2 hour 15 minute morning nap and a one hour 15 minute afternoon nap. Then today her morning nap was only 1 hour 15 minutes. You just never know what you'll get.
Can handle 2-2.5 hours of wakefulness between naps.

Milestone:

Not much new. No crawling. No teeth. No whole sentences :)
She is starting to try to reach for items which frequently takes her onto her stomach, so I think crawling isn't too far in the future for us.

Feeding:

Still breastfeeding, usually 5 times a day.
Trying to be diligent about giving her 3 meals of solids as well. I thought I'd be good and make all her food but that hasn't happened other than a few batches of sweet potatoes.
She's had pears, prunes, applesauce, yogurt, peas, sweet potatoes, mixed vegetables, carrots, cottage cheese (didn't much like), bread, a few cheerios (hasn't figured out finger food yet).
Surprisingly, I discovered that she loves french onion soup. Weird! I had it at Panera one day and gave her a taste and she just couldn't get enough of it.

Toys:

We got her a Graco jumper that you hang in the doorway and she loves it! She is so cute and looks like she is doing an Irish jig when she jumps.
Still has the exersaucer but since our house is on the market, I got tired of carrying it out to the car each time a potential buyer was coming by. So it's been in the car for the past week or so.
Has quite a few little musical instrument toys like a tambourine and maracas that she likes.
Really want to get her a play table but it is just too hard with the house on the market.
Ordered her a Rockabye Colt Horse as her Christmas present that I can't wait to get.

Website Recommendation: I love Zulily.com. If you sign up, each day you get an email telling you what the bargains are that day. I've found a bunch of great stuff on the site at great prices (including the Rockabye Colt Horse referenced above). If you are interested in signing up, you can put my email down (k_habeeb@yahoo.com) as the reference and then I get a little reward :)

Fifths Disease

2010-10-18T11:24:00.004-04:00

Sure sounds like a terrible illness and, yes, Emma's got it!

We first noticed small bumps on her face on Friday night. I started feeling guilty because I had given her a bit of strawberry jelly and then found out that you aren't supposed to give babies strawberries until they are at least a year old.

By Saturday, the rash had spread across her face.

By Sunday, she was covered head to toe with the rash (yes, even on the bottoms of her feet).

We took her to the emergency department late Sunday afternoon and were told by the doctor that he was "perplexed..." Not something you want to hear from an ER doctor. He said it was likely a viral infection (no, nothing to do with strawberries) but since he couldn't nail it down exactly, we should see the pediatrician the next day.

And the pediatrician confirmed today that, indeed, it is a viral infection. Either Fifths Disease or something else along those lines. Thankfully she doesn't seem sick - no fever - but last night was horrible. She was up every 3 or so hours and wouldn't go back to sleep each time. And since it is a virus, there is nothing you can do other than wait it out.

My poor baby girl!

House Hunters Salem

2010-10-11T20:25:00.005-04:00

Here's the house-related post that I promised so long ago. I feel like I have a million things on my mind these days; with baby, work, and all the decisions related to moving, I've been a bit overwhelmed.

Our condo has been on the market now for going on 3 weeks. We've had a bit of traffic through but no offers yet (other than a ridiculous lowball offer from some investors). I know that things are slow right now in the market but I was (and still am) hoping for a quick sale. It is really a big pain selling a house when you work from home with a baby. Each time a Realtor calls, I have to run through the house shoving toys into closets. And today we even had to wake Emma up from a nap because a Realtor called yesterday and said she'd be here today between 1-2pm. Well, she never showed up. AHHH! Very frustrating.

Well, the exciting part is that we've decided on a house in Salem. It is an old house - 1920 - and is in pretty good shape but we plan to do tons to it, which both excites me and scares me. It is in an awesome, awesome, awesome location, which is the main draw for us. Right off the main street and within a very short walk to most anything that we want. Houses in this area of town rarely come up for sale. In fact, since 2005, only three have sold.

We are finalizing the contract right now and mailing in a deposit tomorrow. If all goes well, and it seems like there are still a ton of hurdles to cross until the finish line, we will close right before Christmas!

Here are a few pictures I took the last time through the house. First , we will redo the floors, paint, take down a few of the gigantic trees in front that really block the house (I know, I feel bad taking down trees but it really has to be done) and try to fix as many of the things found during the home inspection as possible (and we anticipate quite a list). In the long-run, we will also redo the kitchen, redo one of the bathrooms, put in some built-in bookcases, and finish the basement.

The front of the house...yes, some of the trees have to go!

In the dining room, looking down through the foyer into a formal sitting room and a bricked in side porch.

Cool window that I really like in the master bath

View of the backyard patio - a little overgrown but great space. We'll have to get a swingset for Emma!

Porch off the 2nd floor master bedroom. Red indoor/outdoor carpet definitely needs to go!

Pictures Galore!

2010-09-30T07:47:00.004-04:00

I haven't had much time to write these days so I'll take the easy way out and just post some recent pictures. Hopefully the cuteness factor will make up for the lack of words. (P.S. I do have some news on house hunting but that's for the next post...)

(Yes, those are Christmas pajamas. No, we are not already getting in the holiday spirit. They were a hand-me-down from my sister-in-law and we were in need of some PJs!)

1/2 Year Birthday!

2010-09-23T10:42:00.004-04:00

Everyone told me that babies grow up so fast. And, I always replied, "yeah, yeah..."

Well, it is absolutely, positively true. I just can't believe that Emma has been with us now for 6 months. A half year. It just can't be true.

But, alas, it is true and yesterday we took Emma in for her 6 month check-up. She is weighing in at 15lb 9oz (30th percentile) and is 25 1/2" long (45th percentile). She handled the shots pretty well, including the first part of the flu vaccine.

Milestones: She loves to roll around on the floor. One minute she is sitting up playing with a toy (and she is able to sit up very steadily) and the next she's rolled 5 feet away. Pretty impressive. She isn't making too many sounds other than squeals, laughing and grunting. Can't wait for the "ma ma" and "da da" to start. She tries to mimmick what you do when you make a sound but really hasn't figured out how to manuever her tongue very well. It's cute watching her try, though. And perhaps the start of separation anxiety is kicking in because she often starts to fuss when I leave the room. I have to sit on the toilet talking to her the whole time..."you're ok Emma, mommy will be right back..." :) She also has started raising her arms up when I come to pick her up. It is so sweet!

Toys: She still loves her exersaucer but I can see that she may already be getting bored with it. She will only stay in it for about 10 minutes before she starts to fuss. What big toy is next?

Feeding: I am still breastfeeding but have started substituting one feeding with solids. She loves sweet potatoes (I made a homemade batch!) and carrots. Not so keen on peas. We've also tried bananas and applesauce.

Sleeping: Right now she is doing well at night. Still doing one feeding around 3am, but is going from about 7pm to 7am. All that can change. It seems to vary week to week. Naps are a whole 'nother story. While she is still taking three a day, with about 2 hours of wakefulness between each nap, the length of the naps have dwindled significantly. I'm really hoping this is just a phase, but her average nap right now is between 30-45 minutes. Yuck! Makes working from home very difficult.

Sizing: We have just started size 3 diapers. And she can fit in all of her 3-6 month clothes, but I've started working in a few pieces of clothing from the next size up.

Cats: We have two cats, Lucy and Layla. For about a month now, Emma has been paying increasing attention to them. Lucy, the oldest, doesn't really want much to do with her. But Layla just can't get enough of Emma. She rubs all over her and allows Emma to do pretty much anything to her. Emma ends up pulling out fist-fulls of hair and Layla hardly reacts. Bet that will change the first time Emma gets her tail.

General: I have to say, 6 months is a lot of fun. I love each passing month more and more, which is good, because if it was the other way around, that would be bad. No doubt I've loved Emma all along but I find myself falling more in love every day as she gets more interactive and personable. Can't imagine how full of love my heart will be another 6 months from now!

Period

2010-09-20T21:41:00.004-04:00

So I thought a benefit of breastfeeding was no period. But, almost 6 months to the day of giving birth, my good old friend returned.

In my Google search attempt to reassure myself that I'm not a freak a nature, I came across this and it made me chuckle:

"When menstruation does return, you should consider yourself fertile and take precautions against pregnancy if desired."

Oh, if only it worked that way.

(P.S. Emma is 6 months old today. Wow! I'll wait to do her big 6 month post after we visit the doctor later this week. I know, I'm such a tease!)

House Update

2010-09-18T22:06:00.003-04:00

I feel like we have a million things going on at one time right now. Well, at least three...

1) Our house in Northern Virginia goes on the market this Thursday! We finally decided just to do it. That means we are spending the weekend doing all the last minute touches to get it picture perfect. We got a storage unit yesterday and are filling it with as much as we can to make the house look as great, and clutter-free, as possible. Tomorrow I'll plant some mums outside...got to have good curb appeal. The timing is great because we'll be gone next weekend and, therefore, not bothered by the hopefully tons of people who come to see the house. I really hope it sells fast because it is going to be a giant pain having people coming through while I'm 1) working at home and 2) taking care of a 6 month old.

2) We've found a great old house that we'd just love to buy if it works out - it's perfect because it is completely livable right now but will also give us the opportunity to put our own touches on it. It is in the historic part of Salem, Virginia, right off the main street and a short stroll to restaurants and shopping, exactly what we are looking for. The house is for sale by owner and we think/hope they'll have some timing flexibility that will make it work out for us (see #3 on why timing is so tricky right now).

3) Jobs. That is the trickiest part. My job will transfer. Husband's probably will not. And, of course, we can't very well buy a house four hours away from where we currently live unless he has a J-O-B. He has some leads and we are praying that it will sort itself out. If we sell our house in Northern Virginia before the J-O-B part is lined up, we'll have to stay in Northern Virginia and rent for a few months until we can buy the house we want. Not fun.

My brain just swims thinking about all the balls in the air. I think I'll just close my eyes real tight, hold my breath, and pray that the stars align!

The Finish Line

2010-09-06T16:31:00.004-04:00

I survived the half marathon and had my little cheerleader there to greet me at the finish line.

Race Day!

2010-09-03T12:45:00.003-04:00

I love to run. I didn't used to love to run. It seemed pointless to me. I much preferred to get my exercise playing a sport, where running was secondary to bouncing a basketball or hitting a tennis ball. But once my days of organized sports passed, I turned to running.

Pre-Emma, I ran about five days a week for a total of 20-25 miles. Nothing crazy. But I was very dedicated to running. In fact, at one point with work, I was having to get up at 4:30am to run.

When we started IVF, the doctor told me I needed to limit my running to no more than 20 miles a week. Once we actually started the process, I dramatically cut back. But I continued to run. In fact, I continued to run up until 32 weeks pregnant when I found out that my amniotic fluid level was low. And then I stopped.

Once I got the all clear from the OB, I started running again about 6 weeks post-baby. And it was hard! I hurt in places I never knew could hurt. I cried with frustration. This activity that I once loved was no longer enjoyable. But I've tried to stick with it.

And...this weekend brings my first post-baby race. I can't believe it is almost here. When I signed up for the race back in January, I never thought it would be here. And I never thought it would be so difficult getting to this point.

But, on Sunday, I will lace up my running shoes, pin on my race number, and run a cool 13.1 miles in the Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half Marathon. I've run this race in the past and have tried to get a good time. This time, my goal is to finish!

And I hope that I survive so I can tell you all about it next week!

Happy Labor Day to you all!

100!!!

2010-09-01T09:24:00.007-04:00

I saw a few days ago that I had just put up my 99th post since June of last year. That got me all blog-anxious. I knew the next post had to be a doozy!

So here it is...our 100th blog post.

Yet, I have nothing of significance to say!

Oh dear!

I guess I'll keep it short and sweet, and try to be a little profound. When I first posted on June 8, 2009 (click here if you want to relive the memories) I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that infertility was a foreign world to me and I would need lots of support for the journey ahead.

I remember checking my blog every few hours, minutes, seconds, and having my heart fill with joy each time the little comment tracker ticked upward. And, guess what, 100 posts later, I still get so much joy from reading all my blog friends' comments (hint, hint!).

I can't believe how much can change in 15 months.

We faced and conquered IVF.

We faced and conquered pregnancy.

We faced and conquered child birth.

And we faced and...well, working on conquering mommyhood. That's a daily struggle that will last the next 40 years or so.

For the most part, it's been terrific.

But here I was yesterday trying to sneak Emma into Daddy's backpack so he'd take her to work for the day. Unfortunately he noticed.

Sorry that I didn't come up with anything more exciting to write about on this momentous occasion. I'll go ahead and start thinking about my 200th post and I promise I won't disappoint the next time around!

2010-08-27T16:00:00.004-04:00

5 months

2010-08-20T16:36:00.005-04:00

I don't feel like much has changed since my 4 months post on where Emma currently is.

Development: The only "new" thing she is doing is starting to sit up. She still tips over but is getting a little steadier each day. I'm assuming one of the next things will be rolling from back to front. At this point, she is rolling to her side and then her arm gets in the way. And, yep, still swaddling. Check back next month to see if we've finally shaken the swaddle.

Solids: We tried some rice cereal two nights this week. Not sure if it was a fluke, but both of those nights she SCREAMED for an hour when we tried to put her to bed. So we've taken a break from solids for a few days and will try again later on.

Baby Sitter: Earlier this week we left Emma with our first non-family member baby sitter so we could go out to dinner with some friends. We left her with our friend's nanny at their house so that made it doubly worrisome since it took Emma out of a familiar surrounding. We got there extra early and tried to replicate her whole bedtime routine - bath, feeding, swaddling, and then down for bed.

She was sound asleep when we left and apparently stayed that way for the next two hours. Unfortunately, we were gone for three and a half hours.

When we got back, the nanny had all the lights out and was walking around bouncing Emma trying to get her back to sleep. She told us that Emma woke up pretty upset and that bouncing and walking was the only way she was keeping her calm. Sigh. Some day she'll cooperate. Some day.

Sleep: And, in regards to nap, Emma is still very inconsistent. She takes three naps a day but they are all over the place both in timing and length. Once in a while I'll get a 2 hour nap out of her but generally they are around an hour. Again, sigh.

Parenting is hard!

Sitting up and a realtor

2010-08-18T15:58:00.003-04:00

Two random things for this rainy, dreary Wednesday in Virginia.

First, I love this picture from yesterday. One, Emma is smiling and it is very, very hard to capture one of her smiles. Two, she is sitting up like such a big girl. She'll be 5 months on Friday.

Second, here's the house that I am now obsessing about.

It is in Salem, Virginia just a few minutes from my two brothers (which means 7 nieces and nephews), my mom, and hubby's family.

For me, the number one criteria for a new house is walkability. Where we currently live in Northern Virginia, we are within a one mile walk of 3 Starbucks, a Panera, Chipotle, Uno's Pizzeria, Wal-Mart, Kohls, 2 grocery stores, a movie theater...the list goes on and on.

I love to walk. I get so much joy out of loading Emma into the jog stroller and being out and about. I just can't imagine living in a place where I have to drive to get to everywhere I want to go. The house pictured above is right off the Main Street in Salem and within walking distance of loads of places (most importantly, a coffee shop and a fantastic park!). There are definitely areas where we could get more for our money but the trade-off isn't worth it to me if it means feeling stranded in a gigantic neighborhood.

Well, anyways, we met with our first realtor today to discuss selling our condo. It went ok. Home prices peaked about 3 years ago and it is disappointing knowing how much we could have gotten had we sold then. But regardless we'll make a nice little profit that should serve as a decent downpayment.

I'll be disappointed if this house goes off the market before we are ready to buy, but I'm reassuring myself that we'll find something just as fantastic.

Now, we just have to figure out that pesky little issue of jobs. Ahh, to win the lottery!

Solids!

2010-08-16T18:59:00.003-04:00

I caved and decided to give solids a try today. Well, the word "solid" is somewhat misleading since it was three-fourths breast milk mixed with a little rice cereal. But it was still fun to try.

I hadn't planned to start this adventure until 6 months, then decided we'd do it at 5 months. But here we are, a few days before the 5 month mark and giving it the good old college try. I'm hoping that it might just help with her night waking, which has become increasingly annoying.

And thanks to my blog friend - Once Upon A Time - for inspiring me!

Here is the proof...

All ready to go in the highchair

The first bites...

"Not bad but Mommy and Daddy's food always looks better than this stuff"

Definitely letting us know that she is D-O-N-E!

Why we have no room

2010-08-12T14:04:00.006-04:00

Our new exersaucer handed down by a wonderful friend. The retail value is $120+ so we are thrilled to have gotten it for the wonderful price of FREE.

I finally caved and got a highchair. No, we aren't doing solids yet, but I figure they are coming in the next month or so. This is the Graco Blossom 4-in-1. I did tons of research and this chair got great reviews. It can be a highchair, a highchair that goes on a regular dining room chair, a booster seat, and a youth seat. Figured it was worth the extra $. And, for a highchair, I really like the way it looks.

These two items are in addition to the swing, bouncy seat, playmat and basket of toys that already fill our what-used-to-be dining room.

And, folks, that's why we have no room!

Secret House Shopping

2010-08-09T16:39:00.004-04:00

We live outside Washington, D.C. The rest of the family - and I mean both my side and hubby's - live about a four hour drive away in beautiful Southwest Virginia.

While I'm glad family doesn't live on the other side of the country or any place that requires air travel, having them four hours away still feels far. Especially when you need something.

This past week I had a project I needed to get finished for work and hubby was expecting a busy week at work. So Emma and I packed up the car and headed to my family's house...4 hours away...so that I could have someone watch Emma while I finished up my project.

Each time that I'm home with family - I have 2 brothers with 7 kids between the two of them, plus my mom and hubby's mom - it makes me want to move closer to them. While I adore Washington, D.C. and all that the area has to offer, it doesn't offer me the convenience of family.

The addition of an exersaucer and highchair to our tiny condo this past weekend also highlights for me the need for MORE SPACE!

So, hence the "Secret House Shopping."

I'm ready to move. Hubby wants to move. But the biggest glitch is figuring out his work situation (I'm able to work from home).

In the meantime, I'm doing some fun online house shopping. In fact, I even found a house and had my brother go through it for me and report back. Thankfully my brother loves house shopping, too, so he is constantly sending me links to houses and telling me what the best areas are to live in.

Here are pictures of a few of the ones I love...

The crazy part is that none of these MASSIVE houses would end up costing us much more each month than our current 2 bedroom condo. On top of our regular mortgage, we currently pay a ridiculous $400 monthly homeowners association fee.

I have no clue what I would do with all this space...but I'd like a chance to find out!

Emma's Eyes

2010-08-02T19:48:00.005-04:00

I love my daughter's eyes. They are just so beautiful and expressive. While her emotions don't always show on her lips, they usually show in her eyes. And people are always commenting on how long her eyelashes are and how they curl so perfectly.

They are amazing.

Right now they are that grey-blue that so many infants have. Who knows what color they'll end up being. I have brown eyes. Hubby has blue ones.

A random woman recently said to me, "I think her eyes are going to be brown. What a shame. She would have been so beautiful with dark hair and blue eyes."

Really? Are you kidding me?

Thankfully I had the nerve to say "she'll be beautiful no matter what color her eyes are."

I love Martina McBride's Song "In My Daughter's Eyes." I'll leave you with some lyrics...

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

1-2-3-4

2010-07-28T08:19:00.004-04:00

Yep, the 4 month mark has come and gone and I'm just getting around to a post about it.

Here are some random details of where we stand 4 months into this journey...

Sleep usually goes something like this...Bed by 7pm. Often a wake-up or two early on that requires a pacifier re-insertion. Feeding around 2am. Up around 6:30am. Naps around 8am, 11am, and 3pm. Naps can last anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours, with the average probably an hour. We are also working hard on putting her down groggy but awake. Most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn't.
Swaddle. Yep, still using it. Dr. couldn't believe that she still lets us swaddle her (well, she does scream the whole time we are doing it) and said it is ok to keep using it. She gets at least one hand out, usually both, at night. But if we don't use it, she just won't calm down to sleep. Hope we can get rid of it soon. We've tried letting her have one hand out, but that generally hasn't worked.
Food. Still just doing breastmilk. Plan to start solids at 6 months.
Size. 13 lbs (45th percentile) and 24 inches (50th percentile). The old noggin is a little smaller, only 25th percentile. Not bad for a baby who started her life in the 10th percentile all around.
Clothes and Diapers. Just starting 3-6 months clothes and Size 2 diapers.
Jog Stoller. We just started using our jog stroller last week and love it. I've been running with it 2-3 times a week and so far no complaints about the stroller (Schwinn Freewheeler).
Fussy. Emma has developed a grunt and shriek. The grunting precedes the shriek. I wouldn't call her a fussy baby but she's definitely fussier than in months past. I used to say (somewhat smugly) something like "Emma only cries when she's hungry or tired. What a perfect little angel." Blah! While those are the times she cries the most, she can start crying one second after smiling or 10 minutes after waking from a great nap. Thankfully the crying is usually short-lived and she's fairly easy to console. Mommy prays for patience every day! Guess that's the best I can do.
Prevacid. Still on it. Doctor said she'll likely need it until at least 6 months.
Drano. I wish I had invested in the makers of Drano. We've gone through so many bottles trying to clear the shower drain of the hair that I seem to shed by the handful every day. I hear this is common when breastfeeding. But it isn't very pleasant.
Toys. I think 4 months is difficult, in part, because the baby is more aware and wants/needs to be entertained, but really can't do much self-entertaining. We still use the playmat a lot and she likes to sit up in the Bumbo. She has a Sophie the Giraffe toy and a Winkle from Manhattan Toys that she seems to like. We also have a load of stuffed animals...we'll spread a blanket out on the floor and play with those for quite some time. Probably the way both baby and mommy most like to be entertained is by walking. Unfortunately, it was 100+ degrees everyday last week so there wasn't much of that. Wonder when she'll be ready for an exersaucer? Any of you have suggestions of fun ways to entertain a little one (aka something to make the time pass faster until daddy gets home from work)?
Talking. Well, no, she isn't talking yet, but in the last week, she has become increasingly chatty. She'll chat with us. She'll chat with her playmat. It's quite cute.
Smiles and laughs. Generally she's a pretty serious baby. So we really appreciate the smiles and laughs.
Work. Throughout my maternity leave, I've been doing work for my own company (I do research consulting for political campaigns). As far as my actual job, I plan to go back very part-time starting in September. I'll do 20 hours, max, and only one day in the office. I think we are going to use our friends' nanny. They only use her 3 days a week so I'll get her the other days. I think a day out of the house a week will do me some good.

And here are pictures of the little beauty...

How much is that baby in the mirror?

2010-07-25T19:51:00.005-04:00

I love baby laughter. Not much can top it.

Blogger help please!

2010-07-25T11:21:00.003-04:00

How do I change the font and color of the text in my blog???

Cutest Baby on the Block most have gotten rid of the background I was using for the blog because all of a sudden I just had a white background and an error message that an image had been removed.

So I am trying to pick a new background but am having a hard time finding one on which the current color of font actually shows up (which is kind of important).

I tried Blogger help and it directs me to the "Layout" tab, which I don't seem to have.

Help please!

Update: Thanks to AP and Once Upon a Time for the Blogger help! I don't think the Cutest Blog on the Block has the template I used to use but perhaps it was time for a change anyways.

On a totally different note...

2010-07-17T22:06:00.011-04:00

We had a really nice time in Bermuda. Emma did great, both on the plane (it was only a 2 hour flight) and at the hotel (our room had a huge closet and we were able to put the pack-n-play in it). We pretty much threw the schedule out the window and Emma just took her naps on the go, which she did really well (and this is likely a contributing factor to the frustrations we had upon returning. Go figure!)

My thoughts on Bermuda...

1) Very beautiful and clean. The water was the most amazing color of blue.
2) Way too expensive. Twice hubby and I had a lunch consisting of burgers and one adult beverage each with the grand total of the bill between $50-$60!
3) The service on the island, in general, was really, really bad. From the waiters at restaurants to the hotel concierge (and it was a very nice hotel), no one seemed particularly interested in going above and beyond. And pretty much they didn't even try to be adequate. That said, we had several great cab drivers who gave us tours as they drove us around.

One tidbit we found out...the average 3 bedroom house on the island is over $1 million! Can you believe it? Our cab driver said his house was $800,000. He said that all men have at least two jobs and there are no housewives. Just can't afford it. Needless to say, we won't be buying property there any time soon.

Here are a few pictures from the trip.

We spent just a few hours at the beach, and, as you can tell, Emma wasn't particularly thrilled with the water.

Here's the happy family at the wedding. Like a good girl, Emma slept through it all.

Us on the beach. No sunhats seem to fit Emma, hence the covered eyes.

A friend who is a photographer took about 50 pictures of Emma while we were riding in a van one day...I just love the expression.

And, on yet another note, July 17th marked the one year anniversary of our "Two Pink Lines" Day. Can't believe it's already been a year. This time last year, Emma was a beautiful cluster of cells multiplying exponentially every day. Today, she is a beautiful baby girl who brings us joy and laughs, and yes, some tears!

A frustrating month

2010-07-16T14:04:00.004-04:00

I actually composed this blog post in my head while I was laying in bed at 4:30 this morning trying to ignore Emma's cries. And trying not to cry myself. Regardless of whether you decide to read it, I need this therapeutic outlet.

I always thought that the first 3 months of having a baby would be the hardest and that it would only get easier from there. I was wrong. This 4th month has definitely been the hardest. I am doubting, on a daily basis, my abilities as a mother. And it really stinks.

I know that I am overly hard on myself. Hubby tells me that daily. Here's an excerpt from an email he sent me this morning when he got to work:

"...you have to trust me when I say that regardless of the doubts that are creeping into your mind, you were definitely made to be a mother…I just wish you could take a step back and not be so hard on yourself… you’re a fabulous mother and I thank God every day that you’re my wife and the mother of my child. Think of where we’ve been in our journey together. We’ve encountered and overcome the couple of most difficult problems that a married couple can have and have come out the other end in this glorious situation, it all leading to Emma joining our lives. I think God carrying us through those problems and delivering us to where are today is proof enough of what He sees in you as a mother..."

Needless to say, that sent me into a flurry of tears first thing this morning. I am used to being able to control every situation in which I'm in - and I really need that control - and with a four month old, you definitely have little control. I can't control when she sleeps. I can't control when she cries. I can try to get her to sleep and I can try to soothe her, but it doesn't always work as I hoped.

I want to experience that joy of motherhood that I probably overly idealized during our infertility struggle. And I think that is what makes me the most upset with myself. We tried for so long for our precious miracle, and now that we have her here with us, I find myself wondering whether it was even a good decision. I can't believe I could ever utter those words, and I am probably making very angry anyone reading this post who is going through their own infertility struggle.

Don't get me wrong, we have moments of joy and fun but I just feel so overwhelmed with frustration and impatience and I feel bad that Emma doesn't have a more compassionate mom.

I know it will get better. I know that I am just trapped right now in a bubble that is clouding my vision of the big picture. I want to enjoy every second of my time with Emma - even the hard seconds - because I know I can't get them back. And then I just read a blog post from a mother who just lost her son and it makes me feel even more guilty.

I have my little angel here with me. And I just need to pull it together and cherish her.

Up, up and away we go...

2010-07-06T21:26:00.003-04:00

...on vacation!

Hubby, Emma and I head to Bermuda this week. It's a place I've always wanted to visit, and, lo and behold, friends of ours decided to get married there. I'm so excited!

We had to get Emma a passport. Pretty funny that the picture on it was taken when she was 10 days old and the passport is good for five years. Can't wait to see her try to get by security at age 5. "I swear, sir, this really is me!"

This will be the first plane travel with the little one. Thankfully, it is only about a 2 hour flight. Hopefully we can keep some semblance of a routine while there and still be able to enjoy ourselves.

Since I'll be off for a few days, I'll leave you with a new picture that I love. I think Emma is saying with her eyes, "Really, what do you think I am, Mommy? A doll to dress up?"

From that to this...

2010-07-04T20:29:00.005-04:00

What a difference a year makes.

From that, July 4, 2009...

To this, July 4, 2010...

July 5th marks the one year anniversary of our embryo transfer.

I remember last year watching the July 4th fireworks, scared out of my mind and nervous, knowing what the next day held, yet still hopeful that we would one day hold our little miracle.

And here she is!

Frustration

2010-07-01T13:38:00.002-04:00

I had my first breakdown as a mommy today.

Emma has become a terror at naptime. She used to be a champion napper - went down with no problems and slept about 1.5 hours several times a day.

Well, that has dramatically changed this week. She has started WAILING at naptime, fighting going down and then fighting the whole time that she is down. Sometimes she is able to cry herself to sleep but not always. And I'm talking maybe 45 minutes later she's cried herself to sleep.

I go in and rock her and try to get her calmed down. The moment I put her back down, it all starts again.

I am beyond frustrated and finally just had to put her down in her crib while wailing because I could feel myself bubbling over.

I catch her "sleepy" signs and put her down right away. I don't allow more than 1.5 hours of wakefulness. I'm still swaddling her but today I tried the sleepsack. I gave her a little Tylenol before this nap just in case there is something going on that I can't see. I tried to put her down on her tummy and she just raised up like it was tummy time.

I just don't know what else to do.

Did she just "cry it out"???

2010-06-28T14:39:00.003-04:00

Emma had a meltdown this afternoon at the New Mom's group that I go to. It was quite embarrassing because she interrupted everything.

I could tell that she was exhausted so I left the group, came home and put her right down to bed. That was around 1:30pm. She was initially asleep but awoke about 20 minutes later crying. I tried to soothe her back to sleep with no luck. Finally I fed her even though it was not time to eat. That didn't help either. She continued to wail in her crib. And she wailed. And wailed.

But...according to my video monitor, the little munchkin is asleep. Really? Can it be? We'll see.

Update: Yep, she ended up sleeping for about an hour and 15 minutes! Good girl. Painful to go through but if it helps her learn to self-soothe, probably worth it.

3 Months Old

2010-06-21T09:14:00.004-04:00

Here's where we stand 3 months into this wild ride called parenthood (sorry, kind of lengthy, but this is a great way for my own selfish purposes to capture how things are going)...

Miss Emma Grace:

Sleep: Emma is finally in her crib! Hip hip hooray! And she's sleeping pretty well. We elevated the mattress some to help with the reflux. We try to put her down between 7-8pm. She usually goes until 2-3am. Feeds quickly and I put her right back down. She then sleeps until around 7am. I feed her quickly again and put her right back down. Then she sleeps until about 9am. She then can handle about an hour of wakefulness before she goes back down for a nap, which usually lasts at least an hour. Then, throughout the day, I let her have no more than 1 1/2 hours of wakefulness and then try to get her to nap. She has good napping weeks and not so good ones. But all in all, we are pleased with where we stand sleep-wise.

Reflux: Emma takes a 15mg solutab of Prevacid once a day. I think it's helping. She hasn't been nearly as fussy, she's spitting up less and doesn't seem to be in pain.

Developmental: The big milestone recently was rolling from stomach to back. She really has to work hard at it and sometimes won't do it all. But it's fun when she cooperates. She also babbles a lot, has great neck strength, and bears a lot of weight on her legs when you hold her up. She also seems to recognize her daddy and me and usually rewards us with some precious smiles. But she also will give strangers smiles, so no anxiety yet.

I've printed out a list from the American Pregnancy Association that details milestones by month. Yes, I know each baby is different but it is nice seeing around what month she should be doing what. The items listed for the "Fourth Month" that Emma hasn't started doing yet are: tries to reach for objects but overshoots, grasps objects with both hands (she does do this with her blankie), and laughs. I can't wait for the laughs!

Work: My paid maternity leave ended on June 11th. I was very fortunate to get 12 weeks paid. I am now on the remaining 4 weeks of unpaid leave that I get under FMLA (in the D.C. area, you get 16 weeks for some reason). That takes me until about mid-July. I am going into work this afternoon to meet with the head on my account to figure out what kind of part-time options I may have. I know for sure that I'm not going to go back full-time. I would love to figure out something that allows me to do a certain number of hours during the week so I can work at night and over the weekend and not be locked into a set 8 hours workday. And something that limits the amount of time I have to be in an office. We'll see. I have my own research consulting company that I started a few years ago and have been fortunate enough to get some work during my leave. If I can't figure out something with my current employer, I may try to ramp up my own business so I can work from home.

This Summer: In about three weeks, hubby, baby, and I head to BERMUDA for a wedding. I absolutely can't wait. I've always wanted to go there. Of course, I didn't think I'd be toting an infant, but it will be great nonetheless. This will be our first plane travel and hotel staying with Emma. Hopefully it will all go smoothly. It is less than a 2 hours flight so it really shouldn't be bad at all. And we got a crib for our hotel room so hopefully Emma won't know the difference.

Sunscreen: I'm starting to stock up on sunscreen, which I use on Emma every day and will load on in Bermuda. So far, I really like California Baby (though it's WAY too expensive) and Blue Lizard Baby (much cheaper). I read that you should use a non-chemical kind with zinc and/or titanium dioxide that just sits on the surface of the skin. I tried Neutrogena Baby Pure and Free sunscreen and it gave Emma bumps on her skin, which is weird because I don't think she has sensitive skin.

Favorite Toys: Emma really doesn't pay any attention to toys yet. I put rattles and other fun, colored stuff in front of her and she just stares. She does love, love, love her playmat (and it was a free, hand-me-down, so even better!). She will stay on it for 20-30 minutes straight, just staring at the blinking lights and kicking her feet. She also just got some black and white animal flashcards that she seems to like. Again, she just stares but it seem to captivate her and hopefully it's making her into a genius :) It will be so much fun when she plays more, but that brings more toys and we don't have much space in our condo.

The wrap-up: I think that about wraps it up. I find myself frequently saying "I can't wait until Emma does..." such and such. But then I stop and kick myself. I want to enjoy every single day with her and appreciate the stage that she is in that very day. I don't want her to grow up too fast. I want her to be my little baby girl for as long as possible. And I sometimes kiss her chubby cheeks or stroke her back and think that at some point she won't want me to do that anymore. So I try to appreciate every single second. I think I fall more in love with her everyday. Ok, I better stop. Getting a little choked up! Kudos to those of you who read the whole post! Thanks.

Happy Daddy's Day!

2010-06-20T08:12:00.004-04:00

Today is my husband's first Father's Day.

Emma (aka Mommy) made him a card with a poem based on the book "Snuggle Puppy." It went something like "Oooo Snuggle Daddy of mine, everything about you is especially fine..." I guess if you know the book you might appreciate it :)

Here's a picture in honor of my hubby who is really a terrific daddy.

And Emma is three months old today. Wow! My little girl is growing up!

Please stop crying!

2010-06-17T20:53:00.003-04:00

Emma has been SCREAMING in her crib for almost 2 hours.

I'm way past my limit.

We've picked her up and rocked her probably five times already. She goes back to sleep. And as soon as her head hits the mattress, it's ear-piercing screams.

Thank God hubby is here or I might have left the house!

She's such an angel 90% of the time...but when she's not, she's really, really not!

Rolling Over!

2010-06-15T13:57:00.002-04:00

We started working on rolling over - tummy to back - yesterday...she's a fast learner!

Anniversaries

2010-06-11T17:12:00.007-04:00

I have several anniversaries this month. So "Happy Anniversaries" to me!

1) On June 8, 2009, I wrote my very first blog post on Hope in Virginia. This is my 74th blog post since then. Happy Blog Anniversary! I love all the blog friends that I have found over the past year and so appreciate your love, support and comments!

2) June 9th was the 9 year anniversary of saying "I Do" to my hubby, my best friend, my high school sweetheart. We went on our first date in 1995. I was 16. He was 18. Six years later, in 2001, we married. And here we are...9 years later. It definitely hasn't been easy but there is no doubt in my mind that God put him on this earth just for me! I love you, Mr. Hope!

2) Finally, June 18th marks the one year anniversary of starting my IVF cycle that resulted in my precious, beautiful baby Emma. Boy, what a year its been. One year ago, I never imagined I'd be holding my little baby girl, but here she is.

2 Months, 2 Weeks, 2 Days

2010-06-04T22:06:00.007-04:00

Yep, that's where we're at...two months, two weeks, two days. It seems like forever ago that we brought Emma home, yet it feels like just yesterday. A contradiction, of course, but the truth.

An update on sleeping...She seems to be in the process of figuring out more of a routine. Twice last week she went to bed around 8pm and slept until about 8am with one feeding during the night. While I don't enjoy the middle-of-the-night feeding, I rather that than the fussiness we were having from 8pm-11pm each night.

My sleeping concerns now are:

1) We have a very hard time putting her down awake as recommended in all the sleep books...she just won't fall asleep and ends up screaming. To her credit, tonight I put her down mostly awake. She started fussing about 10 minutes later. I put her pacifier back in and rocked the carseat some and she did fall asleep.

2) She still refuses to sleep in her crib. We can get her to take her morning nap in the bassinet but that's the most she'll give us. No other naps can happen in the bassinet. Hopefully things will just click eventually for her but until then, it's still sleepy time in the carseat.

An update on reflux...The doctor switched her to Prevacid last week. She got the order called in as a liquid since otherwise it is in pill format. Well, apparently the only place that makes it into a liquid suspension is this place called a Medical Arts pharmacy that 1) doesn't take insurance, 2) doesn't take medical savings accounts cards, 3) is about a 30 minute drive away, and 4) charges $75 for a TWO WEEK supply. Needless to say I got her next refill done as a solutab that I'll dissolve myself. That came to $40 for a one month supply. Much better and the medicine seems to be working.

Here are some recent pictures of our little baby girl...

Sucking on the hand, one of her new favorite tricks. Hopefully it will lead to self-soothing.

Storytime with Daddy before bedtime.

With her rabbit blankie...she doesn't pay much attention to it but I think it's cute so I try to get her to hold it.

Camouflage on her playmat. She's just started trying to roll onto her side.

On the road and in need of some sleeping advice!

2010-05-27T22:50:00.007-04:00

On the road...

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend. Emma and I are heading to see the family who live about 4 hours away - sans hubby. This will be the first time I've driven that far alone with the little one. Hubby is going to be living it up with friends in NYC for a bachelors weekend. I have no problem at all with him going but I told him that I hope he appreciates being able to just up and do something like that. Being a baby's food source definitely limits that flexibility!

And in need of sleeping advice...

Emma is a good napper during the day and a good sleeper at night. She usually gives us a 7-8 hours stretch at night. Last night she went from 12:10am-9am!

It is the stretch from about 8pm-12am that I don't really know what to do with. She won't sleep much and is pretty/really fussy during this time. We try to start her bedtime routine - bath, snuggling, swaddling, etc - and then put her down about 8 or 8:30pm. We may get an hour or so out of her and then she wakes up crying. But it isn't time to eat yet. What do I do with her??? Any suggestions??? (She is on a pretty set routine of eating every 3 hours, which usually puts her last feeding of the day around 11pm or 11:30pm.)

Two Months

2010-05-20T22:32:00.004-04:00

Emma is 2 months old today. Wow! Time flies when you are having fun (and trying to figure out how in the world to be a parent!). She's brought such joy and excitement and sense of completeness to our lives. It is so much fun seeing her change every day and trying to figure out her little personality.

She had her 2 month check-up today, which included a round of vaccines. I sure wish I could erase from my mind the utter look of shock on her face when the nurse stuck her in the legs. It just broke my heart! I've never seen her little face turn so red from the screaming afterward. Thankfully it only lasted a few seconds. But I think that is probably the first real pain she has ever felt in her life (though who knows what the birthing process felt like for her???).

The good news is that the little spout is growing, growing, growing. She is up 9oz from just 10 days ago when we took her in for her reflux (Dr. said they like to see 0.5 - 1.0 oz increase each day). She is 23rd percentile for weight [9lb 10oz; was 10th percentile at 2 weeks] and 50th for length [22 1/4"; was 20th percentile at 2 weeks].

Here are some new pictures in honor of her 2 month birthday...

Reading with Mommy

A Family Portrait

Bumbo Time!

Fun on the playmat

Are you looking at me?

2010-05-18T11:23:00.005-04:00

Here's another video...mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with something interesting to write about.

But I do like this video a lot of Emma following me around the room. I may be biased, but I think she's awfully smart :)

And P.S., I love my Flip video camera. Very easy to use and I'm thrilled to be able to capture forever all the little things.

Lunchtime...

2010-05-16T17:21:00.002-04:00

I promise, we do adequately feed the child!

Does this hat make my head look big?

2010-05-14T13:36:00.005-04:00

Here's a picture from a few days ago when Emma and I went for a little walk. It was kind of chilly out but the sun was shining, hence the big hat.

I have a bunch of sunhats for her, but they are all ridiculously big for her little pea head. And I'm really paranoid about her getting sun burnt...any advice on sunblock solutions at such a young age?

We took Emma to the pediatrician on Monday because she has been spitting up profusely after each feeding. And I don't mean just a little dribble...I mean projectile fun! And sometimes up to 5 times. Plus she is super fussy after (and sometimes during) a feeding. Even pulling off the nipple to scream.

The doctor thinks it is probably GERD (aka severe reflux) and put her on Zantac to start with. I go back next week for her two month appointment and they will assess the effectiveness then and, if necessary, put her on Previcid instead. I haven't noticed much of a difference so far with the Zantac. We are also giving her Mylanta in hopes of calming down her tummy.

My biggest concern is that the severe spitting up would impact her growth, but apparently, and thank goodness, it hasn't. She was 10th percentile in weight at 2 weeks, and now, at 7 weeks, she was up to the 25th percentile. Good girl! She is 9lb 1oz and 21 inches long.

Belated One Month

2010-05-05T09:52:00.005-04:00

Emma has already passed the 6 week milestone so clearly I'm a little late commenting on her at one month. But, alas, that is what I must do.

I can't remember who recommended these Picky Sticky stickers from Etsy that go on onesies. Was it Sam and Anna's mamma? THANK YOU to whomever it was. They are super cute.

I had my 6 week check-up yesterday and am cleared for all activity. I went for my first run yesterday post-baby. Boy, I ached in areas I never knew I had - guess bones get moved all around. I have a 1/2 marathon in September and the Army 10-Miler in October, so I better get over it fast! Running used to be fun to me...yesterday, it was just a pain in the...well, I'll spare you the details.

And, P.S., it is almost 10am right now and Emma is still asleep from her last feeding at 4:30am. Good girl :) But, I'll admit, she's in the carseat. Please don't tell anyone!

Emma's Tummy Time

2010-04-29T19:40:00.005-04:00

Here's my first attempt to upload a video to my blog...wow, going totally multimedia.

Hope you enjoy...

Carseat Sleeping

2010-04-27T11:13:00.003-04:00

I'll keep this short and sweet because Emma is screaming in her bassinet and I need to go get her up from her nap.

I was told yesterday at my new moms group that babies sleeping in carseats has been linked to SIDS. Something about a decrease in oxygen. Oh dear. Carseat sleeping has been getting us about 5 hour glorious stretches of sleep at night. And Emma hates lying flat on her back in her bassinet. Oh, and by the way, apparently wedges for cribs have also been linked to SIDS. We just can't win.

Hence why Emma is screaming in her bassinet right now. Sigh...

Blogging slacker

2010-04-19T17:18:00.004-04:00

Sorry for being such a blogging slacker recently. I have kept up on everyone else's blogs but haven't gotten around to putting up a new post myself. Guess there hasn't been much exciting to write about. Well here's what's going on in my life...

1) Today was hubby's first day back at work. Yes, we were lucky and got him at home for a full month. But now reality sets in. I am now a stay at home mom without a helper. Today went pretty well...what will tomorrow hold?

2) I attended a new moms group today that the hospital puts on. It is run by a nurse and there were probably 15 women there with kids ranging from Emma (the youngest at 4 weeks) to about 9 months. It seems like a great place to get questioned answered and to vent about frustrations and difficulties. I plan to go each Monday.

3) I have 2 products that I really like so far and would recommend. First, we use the Miracle Blanket everynight with Emma. It is the best swaddler I've found - Emma can't get out of it. I am also digging my Sleepy Wrap, especially now that I don't have a helper to hand Emma off to. It is pretty easy to put on (seemed intimidating at first) and Emma seems very comfortable and falls asleep easily in it. She's sleeping in it right now as I type!

4) I've just started pumping to try to get some milk for our freezer for future use. I am pumping in between sessions and only getting about 1.5-2 ounces. That isn't even one full bottle. The nurse at the moms group today say that is typical. Wish I could get a full bottle with each session. Gonna take a long time to stock up the freezer!

5) Emma will not sleep in her bassinet. She hates laying flat on her back. We bought a sleep wedge but that still doesn't prop her up enough. Initially, she was sleeping on my chest at night. Now we've got her sleeping in her carseat (though often I have to get her to fall asleep first on top of me). I'm sure experts would scold me...but, hey, she sleeps. And that's what matters to me! We've even gotten her to do 5-6 hours straight on a few nights.

So, that's about it. Emma turns one month tomorrow. Wow! In honor of her one month birthday, here's a cute new picture...

Newborn Photo Shoot

2010-04-08T11:45:00.008-04:00

Hubby's dad got us an awesome gift to welcome Emma...a "Baby's First Year" package with a fantastic local photographer who specializes in baby photography. I cannot recommend her enough to anyone in the D.C. area looking for a photographer - Virginia Payne Photography. The package includes a sitting as a newborn, and then at 4, 8 and 12 months.

Last week we went in for the newborn session and three-and-a-half hours later we emerged. Emma wasn't completely cooperative but what can you expect from a two week old? The photographer likes to take mostly asleep pictures of babies, and, of course, Emma was wide awake and alert almost the whole time. But I think she still captured some great pictures and we cannot wait until we get the link for the full gallery.

The photographer updated her blog yesterday with some pictures of Emma...I've put them below as well. I think she's pretty darn cute!

Miss Emma at two weeks

2010-04-02T12:55:00.008-04:00

Tomorrow Emma will be two weeks old. Wow, time has flown especially when you are on maternity leave and aren't really keeping track of what day of the week it is.

Things are going pretty well. Emma hates to sleep flat on her back in her bassinet - she gets super wheezy and fussy after just a few minutes. Yesterday, I bought an inclined wedge sleep positioner and hope that will help. I end up holding her in bed most of the night, a habit I don't really want to get used to. But it is the best way to get a decent stretch of sleep. She sleeps tons during the day and we just need to figure out how to get rid of that nasty day/night confusion.

She is also feeding really well. A week ago, she was 5lb 15 oz. Today, a week later, she was almost to 6lb 8oz. Guess the nonstop feeding is working. I'm pretty much feeding on demand day and night and let's just say that the demand is very high.

We've gotten out of the house a few times, other than just going to the pediatrician. Emma had her first dinner out at the classy IHOP by our house (yum, pancakes!). We've also gone for a few short walks around the neighborhood and to pick up lunch for daddy and me. And yesterday Emma had a newborn photo shoot. My father-in-law got us a terrific photography package with a great local photographer. It includes sittings at newborn, 4 months, 8 months and 1 year. We ended up being there for 3 1/2 hours yesterday and Emma about had it by the end. I can't wait to get the pictures.

So that's pretty much the quick update for now. I'll post a few pictures below. Hope everyone has a nice Easter weekend. Emma and I hope to get out, take a walk and enjoy the fabulous Spring weather!

Bouncy seat for the first time

On the playmat for the first time

Sleeping with mommy on the couch

Snuggly Miss Emma

The birth story...finally

2010-03-26T19:44:00.018-04:00

So I'm just now getting around to writing down the details of Emma Grace's big arrival. It's been on my to-do list, which hasn't gotten shorter over the past week. But that's ok, because the most important "to-do" for us right now is to love on our precious new baby.

This post is going to be long - I'll warn you in advance - because not only am I writing this down for the few people who might care enough to read it through, but also for my own keepsake. I don't want to forget any precious details. So here's the story...

As many of you know, Emma was scheduled to arrive on Monday, March 22nd. I had a scheduled induction for Thursday, March 25th in the event she was being stubborn. Turns out, that wasn't necessary as Emma decided to come two days early on Saturday, March 20th.

I woke up around 1am and wasn't feeling quite right - very crampy. I hadn't had many contractions through the pregnancy so I wasn't sure if this was the "real" thing or not. I woke up again around 2am, still feeling the same uncomfortable feeling. I finally decided to wake hubby around 3:30am telling him, "honey, I feel very uncomfortable." Well, that brought him to full alert.

The pain started getting worse and he kept asking me whether it was time to call the doctor yet. I got the feeling that this was indeed the "real" thing, so I got up and showered and started making sure we had everything in order around the house (knowing that our moms would be coming up and staying at our house while we were at the hospital, I couldn't stand the thought of a mess upon their arrival). I even did a load of laundry!

Finally, hubby convinced me around 6:30am that we needed to call the doctor given that the contractions were 5 minutes apart. She said to meet her at the hospital - thankfully, since it was Saturday morning, we didn't have to deal with the horrendous Washington, D.C. traffic.

Now, I have to say, I knew contractions were painful, but I really wasn't expecting to cry during almost everyone of them. By the time we got to the hospital, the contractions were about 3 minutes apart and I was a wreck. I couldn't stop crying at the registration desk and felt and looked like a total mess.

They took me back to a "decision" unit where they decide whether this is the "real" thing and whether to admit you. I was only 2+ cms, but the nurse could tell that this was serious and, when she talked to the doctor, told her I was 3cm so she wouldn't send me home.

It was a very busy day in labor and delivery and it took a while to get a room, like checking into a fancy hotel. We finally got a room around 9am and, thanks be to God, I had an epidural by about 9:30am. I was scared all along about the epidural, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And, of course, when you get an epidural, you also win the prize of a catheter - again, not as bad as I was expecting.

So, hubby and I hung out in labor and delivery and I was feeling good from the epidural. I was hesitant to push the button to increase the dose as the nurse suggested, but I did do it a few times when I started getting uncomfortable. I just don't know how anyone can do this au naturel! By the way, the epidural gave me the chills and shakes. I think because my legs were so numb, I ended up feeling cold and shaking all the way through the delivery.

Ok, back to the story...by about noon, I had progressed to 4cm and the doctor decided to give me pitocin and to break my water. Our moms finally arrived around 1pm (they had a 4 hours drive...and I think my mom went about 80mph the whole time).

When the doctor came back about 2 1/2 hours later (around 2:30pm) to check me, I was 10cm and ready to go! That's when panic set in. I didn't think I was ready for the task ahead and the tears came pouring back. But, of course, they really don't give you much of an option. When it's time to push, it's time to push.

One thing that was nice and not what I was expecting was how private that whole process was. I pictured a room full of nurses and doctors, but for most of the pushing, it was just our one nurse and my hubby. She could tell as soon as I started pushing that it was not going to be long. Hubby did such a fantastic job encouraging me throughout the process, cheering me on, and counting to 10 over and over.

Finally, the nurse got the doctor to come in and after probably 2 sets of pushes (each set having 3 pushes) Baby Emma emerged after 30-45 minutes total of pushing. Hubby, who originally thought he couldn't watch any of the process, ended up watching most of it. And I'll never forget him saying "oh my gosh, she's out." When they put her up on my chest, I was in total shock. Hubby had to tell me to hold her because I was completely frozen.

And then I started laughing and, according to my hubby, yelling pretty loudly in astonishment. I just couldn't believe that this beautiful, perfect thing on my chest was my baby, the baby I've waited for and prayed for, not just for nine months but for years. It was unbelievable.

Emma didn't cry right away - she had a lot of fluid in her lungs - so the nurse took her off to the side and worked on her for awhile. Hubby immediately went over to watch and all I could keep asking is whether she was ok. Finally, while they stitched me up (yep, a fun little tear) they gave her to hubby to hold - probably one of the most precious pictures I'll ever have in my mind. Just totally unbelievable.

Emma's a tiny little thing. All along the doctors had projected that she was small, but near the end of the pregnancy, when it was evident that she was growing properly, they thought that maybe they had overreacted about her size. Well, she did end up being a small little thing - 6lb, 4oz and 19" long. And she is so skinny...her little arms and legs are super long and super skinny. It's a joke trying to get her to fit into newborn clothes but she is too long for preemie clothes. Oh well, she'll grown into them and will get to wear the newborn clothes for longer.

Back to the story...Our moms finally got to meet little Emma about an hour later. Hubby and I stayed in the hospital for two nights and then headed home, back to the real world, on Monday, March 22nd, my original due date.

Emma had her first pediatrician appointment on Wednesday, March 24th and had dropped to 5lb, 12oz. The doctor said she didn't like to see the drop, though it's expected, and actually recommended that I add an ounce of formula after each feeding. She asked to have Emma come back in two days to see how she was doing. I was very hesitant to do the formula given all I've heard about nipple confusion and since we were just starting to figure out breastfeeding. I'm awfully glad I did hold out because when she returned to the doctor 2 days later, she was up to 5lb, 15oz, which the doctor said was terrific. Usually they only see 1oz a day and she had grown 3ozs over 2 days. Good girl!

We are still figuring out breastfeeding. For awhile she was doing really well and latching on well, but in the last day or so she has gotten more stubborn with latching (perhaps, once the milk comes in, babies also have to make adjustments?). To make matters even more difficult, she loves to flail her long arms around which makes the latch even more difficult. But I am committed to breastfeeding and know that we'll both figure it out soon enough.

To the few of you who have made it to the bottom of this post, I'll reward with you with a picture or two. Emma is the joy and light of our life and despite the minimal sleep and little frustrations, I can't stop praising God for blessing us with this perfect, beautiful little miracle. My heart hurts sometimes when I look at her from loving her so much and I am already wishing that she wouldn't grow up.

Sweet Emma Grace...

After her first bath...

Posing in her gigantic newborn sized hoodie...

A pink string bean...

Emma's Here!

2010-03-21T10:06:00.005-04:00

Emma made her big debut at 3:22pm on Saturday, March 20th. She's a small little thing (as the doctors predicted) at 6lb, 4oz.

I will post all about it so don't worry about not getting many details yet. In short, labor started around 1am on Saturday am. We got to the hospital around 7:30am. Had an epidural by 9:30am. And pushed for about 45 minutes. All in all, a really wonderful, beautiful process.

We are so in love with our little baby!

A little more certainty

2010-03-19T16:55:00.005-04:00

Now I know for sure that I will not be pregnant indefinitely...that one day soon we will actually have a baby in our arms. Of course, I joke. But as you enter these final days it does kind of feel like you'll be pregnant forever.

We had our regular OB appointment today.

1) I went from 1cm last week to 2cm this week. Yay, progress!

2) The OB very gently stripped my membranes. Apparently the last time the OB stripped membranes, she broke the person's water, so she is hesitant to be very aggressive. It really didn't hurt at all.

3) I have an induction scheduled for next Thursday, March 25th in the event baby doesn't come sooner. Ideally, I would like to have everything progress naturally, but it is so nice having a definite end date in site.

4) On a weird note, my blood pressure was high. I always have very low blood pressure...we're talking 90-110/60-65. Today it was 132/78. While that is still in the normal range, it is definitely high for me. The doctor told me to check it twice this weekend at a pharmacy and let them know if it goes over 140/90. Not sure what that means. Perhaps just something that happens as you get closer to labor? They are monitoring me so closely that I'm not overly concerned. I go back to the perinatal center on Monday for my regular nonstress test and fluid check. And then back to the OB for the last time on Tuesday. Or maybe she'll just come this weekend (fingers crossed...).

So, as you can see, I will eventually have a baby, in case there was doubt in any of your minds. Well, there was in mine, at least :) Ok, I'm off to cherish my last weekend of pregnancy. Happy weekend to all of you, too.

P.S. I've added the last belly shot picture hubby took...this was almost 2 weeks ago. Please ignore the sweats and ponytail!

I'm looking forward to... (hint, not baby-related)

2010-03-18T10:38:00.004-04:00

I love reading all my blog friends' posts - whether they are about babies, the desire for babies, or something completely not baby related. But I don't think I ever have anything non-baby related to talk about. But I do have two things coming along this July that have me very excited, and I thought I would share (as I sit here 4 days before my due date obsessing about whether baby will EVER come).

First, hubby and I just booked a trip to Bermuda for July? Some friends of ours are getting married there. I've wanted to go to Bermuda FOREVER and am thrilled at this opportunity. And, yes, baby Emma gets to go to. Perhaps we're crazy thinking we can take a 3 1/2 month old on such a trip, but I just can't imagine leaving my baby girl.

We have three nights booked at what looks to be a fabulous hotel, the Fairmont Southampton. We have our plane tickets booked, too, but couldn't get baby's until she's here because you have to give them a birthdate (even though she will just be in our lap on the flight). And did you know that, on international flights, an infant in lap still costs 10% of the adult ticket price plus you have to pay all the fees and taxes? Yuck. Anyways, if anyone has any advice on Bermuda, or traveling with a little one, please share.

Ok, item number two. This one will not involve baby. Hubby and I got tickets to go see Dave Matthews in D.C. in July. And the opening act is one of my favorites, the Zac Brown band. My mom is already planning to come up to take care of Emma while we go. It should be a great time and I haven't seen DMB in over 10 years. Can't wait!

So there you go, some non-baby related fun for this fine Thursday. Now I'll go back to counting down the hours until we meet our little one :)

To strip or not to strip, that is the question.

2010-03-16T18:09:00.003-04:00

For all of my friends who clicked over here expecting to find something scandalous, I apologize! I just liked the teaser of a title :)

Anyways, the big question on my mind, as I sit here at 39 weeks +1 day, is whether stripping membranes is an effective way to bring on labor. I've read tons about it on the Internet and the verdict seems to be that it may or may not help. Oh, so very useful.

I'm interested in any personal experience any of you have on the issue. How much does it hurt? What has your doctor said about it? Anything you can give me is much appreciated. Thanks!

The agony of waiting

2010-03-12T11:58:00.003-05:00

When I first put my Lilypie Ticker on my blog, I think it read "About 280 days to go." It now says "10 days to go." Why does it seem like these last 10 days are going to feel about as long as the last 270??? Patience is definitely not my strong point.

Hubby and I just got back from the weekly rendezvous with the OB. Still 1cm. Still 75% effaced. Head at -2 station. Baby is way too comfortable in there.

And, ironically, after weeks and weeks of anxiety about having a bad placenta and, thus, a baby that may be too small, the first thing the OB said to us was, "wow, the baby is growing great, now we just have to make sure she doesn't get too big." Oh, the irony.

The one bit of good news, and I warn you in advance about TMI, is that she said I've lost most of my mucus plug. Gross, I know, but a good sign. She also said that March 29th - one week past my due date - is the last day they'll let Baby stay in there before induction. And that they'd be willing to consider induction at any point after 40 weeks. But we're really hoping that won't be necessary.

Oh, the agony of waiting but, oh, the joy we know that awaits us!

This is not going to be a small baby.

2010-03-08T10:25:00.004-05:00

First order of business on this fine Monday...baby weigh-in (I sure enjoy that a lot more than mommy weigh-in). A little refresher...

At 32 weeks, the doctor informed us that baby was only in the 11th percentile for size, weighing in at 3lb 11oz, and that this may be indicative of a placental problem.
Four weeks ago, at 34 weeks, baby was estimated to weigh 4lb 11oz.
Two weeks later, she had grown to 5lb 14oz.
Today, at 38 weeks, the doctor estimates her weight to be 6lb 12oz. And she still has at least two more weeks to grow. While apparently that is only 40th percentile, it sure doesn't sound like a small baby to me.

We are obviously very happy with her growth, and I'm slowly accepting that, since she is clearly thriving in the womb, I shouldn't rush her entry into the world. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy if she decided to come today, but I've finally accepted that nature should just take its course (though check in with me after 40 weeks and I may be singing a different tune!).

This is for Courtney...

2010-03-05T13:51:00.004-05:00

This post is for my blogger friend, Courtney, who found out this week that she is pregnant! Please congratulate her and keep her in your thoughts and prayers during this exciting time.

http://growingtheyerkesfamily.blogspot.com/

But I also wanted to let her know that, NO, Baby Emma isn't here yet :( So you can back off the edge of your seat. I just haven't had much to say this week. Fluid was low on Monday and then in the normal range on Thursday. And I'm off to the OB in an hour for my weekly appointment. Emma's weight will get checked again on Monday...come on, baby girl, grow, grow, grow! Theoretically she should be well over 6lbs by then, but I'll let everyone know on Monday.

I did ask the doctor at the perinatal center on Thursday what I needed to do to get induced early. He said he would consider recommending it if I can get 2-3cm dilated (was 1cm last week). So that's what I'm hoping for now.

But, I promise, Courtney, you'll be one of the first to know when Emma makes her grand debut. For right now, go celebrate and praise God for your little miracle! And I'm praying for you.

(Post OB Appointment Update: Still 1cm/75% effaced. Darn!)

Not Again!

2010-03-01T11:55:00.002-05:00

I'll keep this post short and sweet...

My fluid is ONCE AGAIN low, which means I've won an all-expense paid trip back to twice-a-week monitoring at the perinatal diagnostic center. Oh, how did I get so lucky?

On the up side, I'm 37 weeks today. Now, I just need to figure out how to convince the doctors that they should go ahead and let Baby Emma make her debut. Hmm.....

36 Week Miscellaneous

2010-02-24T11:30:00.002-05:00

I really like this picture my mom took of Mr. Hope and me after my baby shower this weekend. I think we both look ready to be parents! It's hard to hide pure happiness.

Also want to share with you a picture of the cake from my shower - it was so beautiful! And, if you didn't already notice, goes perfectly with our pink elephant themed nursery. Thanks to my fabulous shower hosts for making the celebration so special.

Most importantly, I am thrilled to report that Baby Emma grew OVER 1 POUND during the last 2 weeks of monitoring at the perinatal diagnostic center. She is now 5lb 14oz. And she's done so well on the twice weekly nonstress tests, coupled with the fact that my amniotic fluid is in the normal range (13 at the last visit), that I now only have to go in for testing once a week (in addition to the weekly trip to the OB). The doctor said her gut is telling her that this is a completely normal pregnancy. Oh, sweet, sweet words!

And speaking of the OB...and this is probably TMI, but at my last OB appointment on Friday, I was 1cm dilated. I know I could stay that way for weeks, but it is fun to know that progress has begun and that there are only 9cm more to go! We are SO ready!

Blessings and Lessons Along the Way

2010-02-22T10:43:00.004-05:00

I will never understand why it is that some of us who want children so, so badly have to deal with infertility while women who abuse their children can get pregnant just thinking about it. It is one of those mysteries that I assume will always remain. And I know that it is a frequent thought on the minds of my fellow infertility blogger friends.

So is there any good that can come from infertility? I've asked myself this a million times. As I sit here, now 36 weeks pregnant after a long struggle with infertility, am I better off than if I had gotten pregnant during month one of trying to conceive? I don't know the answer to that, but what I do know is that this is my reality. Infertility, IVF, shots, pain, tears...that is my reality so it really does me no good to think about what ifs and what could have beens.

But what I truly believe from the bottom of my heart is that God took my husband and me through that storm for a reason - and most of the time I have no idea what the reason is - but once in a while I get a glimpse and it makes my heart feel a little lighter.

First, infertility has made my marriage stronger, more loving, more committed and much happier. When it felt like the whole world was a giant storm cloud, my husband and I learned to cling tighter to each other. And, as a consequence, I think we'll be even better parents.

Second, infertility taught me that I do not control my life. Sure, I would like to think I do being a typical Type A personality. What I learned is that I may plan my path but God ultimately determines my steps. And, at times, that is very hard to accept, especially when the steps aren't what I want or had planned.

Third, and probably some other women would get angry at me for saying this...but I truly believe that I will cherish and appreciate my precious little miracle baby more completely, fully, totally than if I had gotten pregnant on the first go-round. I'm by no means saying that you cannot cherish and adore your child unless you obtained him or her through infertility treatments. But I do believe that you appreciate something more when you've actually had to work for it.

Finally, and perhaps one of the greatest blessings, is that I have formed bonds with so many wonderful, beautiful, strong women who have walked the same infertility road as me. And not only online. God has brought into my "for-real" life several wonderful women struggling with infertility and I have been able to share with them my own struggles and to support them through their own storm.

Just yesterday I found out that a good friend is also struggling with infertility and, while pregnant a few weeks ago, has a declining HCG level and is petrified that she's losing her baby. And months ago, I connected with a distant friend (now a good friend) who was going through IVF and we were able to eventually be some of the first people she told when she was expecting. It is such a blessing to me that I can take my own struggles and use them to be a friend, listener and shoulder to cry on.

But it also reminds me of the old friend who resurfaced right before I started my IVF cycle in June who had also been through IVF. God was watching out for me even then making sure I had the needed support. I think one of the lessons for us who have been through infertility is that we shouldn't be surprised when we are given the opportunity to support others who have been through the same storm. It is God using us and we should count ourselves blessed.

Twin mommies, I'm so impressed!

2010-02-15T12:18:00.003-05:00

I have had a very, very easy pregnancy thus far. No sickness, fatigue, frequent trips to the bathroom or any of the other fun stuff one usually endures prior to meeting one's little bundle of joy.

But here I am at 35 weeks. I'm starting to have trouble sleeping. Waking up 3 or 4 times a night to pee. I am having a hard time breathing and can get out-of-breath just sitting on the couch. I have heartburn. And baby's kicks can really hurt.

All this led me to a thought the other day...

Boy, I don't know how those pregnant with twins do it! I am in absolute awe of all my twin mommy blogger friends. Now, don't get me wrong, I think every woman deserves a medal for enduring 9 months of pregnancy fun. But, twin mommies definitely deserve 3!

As many of you know, we had two embryos transferred but only baby Emma decided to stick around. I just can't imagine doing this with two babies in there. But I'm guessing, when all my twin mommy friends are holding their TWO bundles of joy, they will forget the doubly swollen ankles and doubly aching belly. At least I hope so.

Just wanted to give a little shout out! You all are amazing.

No sad tears this time

2010-02-08T14:48:00.004-05:00

Today I had yet another nonstress test with amniotic fluid check. And, for once, I didn't leave the perinatal center in tears.

Per usual, baby did just fine on the nonstress test. Good girl! But, unlike usual, my amniotic fluid was actually in the NORMAL range - barely - but it was just over 8 and that is normal, normal, normal.

But EVEN BETTER...today was baby's big weigh in. She weighed 3lb 11oz two weeks ago and, drum roll please, she weighed 4lb 11oz today. That is exactly the increase she should have had - 1/2 lb a week. The Dr. charted out the baby's growth and is even more confident that 1) there is no problem with baby or me, 2) she is just going to be on the small side, and 3) I could still carry her the full 39-40 weeks!

Praise the Lord! My wonderful husband actually broke into tears at the news. I told him that they are going to think we are a bunch of crybabies - me always crying with bad news and him crying when there is good news. But I'll take tears of joy any day! They are still going to keep me coming back twice a week, which, while a bit of a hassle, is just fine with me. The closer they monitor baby, the less mommy worries.

I rewarded baby with some coffee cake when we got home. Sweet baby Emma, make yourself comfortable, you got 6 more weeks to grow and thrive!

Baby Update

2010-02-05T16:54:00.003-05:00

I had another appointment yesterday at the hospital's perinatal center, which included both a nonstress test and an amniotic fluid check. Once again, Emma aced the nonstress test. However, while my fluid had increased - from about 5.9 to 7.6 - it is still below the normal range (8+). I was glad to see that my incessant drinking paid off some but wish it could have done even more. The doctor did give me the ok to go back to work next week.

It looks like the diagnosis is a bad placenta, which is contributing both to the low amniotic fluid and the low weight. We did learn that it is specifically her abdomen that is measuring small (11th percentile) and that the average of all of her measurements put her in the 25th percentile. Well, that at least sounds a little better. Because my fluid is still below normal, I will continue to go to the perinatal center twice a week for a nonstress test and fluid check. They will also weigh her again at my next apointment on Monday to make sure she is increasing in weight.

I met with my OB today and, through a few tears, told her all my concerns. My number one concern is that the placenta will just stop working all together. She said that this is highly unlikely and that the twice a week monitoring will be able to detect any decreases in function. She said, right now, the best place for baby is inside her mommy. I take comfort in how closely they are monitoring me and know that once they make the determination that the baby would be better off outside than inside me, they will take her. Both the doctor at the perinatal clinic and my OB seemed to indicate that 37 weeks is the goal. Goodness, that's just 3 weeks away! Glad we have the nursery all done :)

On a completely different topic, the area I live in - Northern Virginia - is bracing for a winter storm that is expected to dump up to 30" this weekend. I am so sick of snow! Hopefully it means we are due a beautiful spring! Hope all my friends out there in blogworld have a nice, relaxing weekend.

Nursery Pictures

2010-02-03T11:58:00.005-05:00

I'm kind of tired of my anxious, down-in-the-dumps posts. So, since I'm stuck at home on pseudo bed rest, thought I'd put up something a little more fun. Some pictures of the nursery! Enjoy. We now just need a little baby to go in it, but I am happy to wait until she is good and ready!

For those following our recent baby health issues (weighing small and low amniotic fluid), we have our next appointment tomorrow so hopefully I'll have some better news to share.

And more prayers, please!

2010-02-01T16:48:00.003-05:00

Today was my first nonstress test. Baby Emma did perfectly and I was just so proud of her. If you recall, I'm going through all this because she is weighing small and they want to make sure the placenta is working properly (read all about it here).

I thought we were in the clear. Then I was told that they also needed to measure my amniotic fluid. Ok, I thought, nothing to it. Boy, was I wrong. The ultrasound technician said that my fluid is severely low (5.8 - needs to be at least 8) and that I am borderline of needing to be admitted to the hospital for fluids.

Oh, how easily a pregnant woman scares...and starts crying! I was sent home, ordered to drink, drink, drink, not go to work for the week and to not exercise. The ultrasound tech really wasn't very compassionate but one of the other nurses saw that I was on the verge of a breakdown and tried really hard to console me. This also means that, instead of getting a nonstress test and amniotic fluid measurement ONCE a week, I have to go TWICE a week.

I've already drank at least 8 cups of water today, which is very hard for me. And sat around working from the couch all day. I'm praying hard that Thursday, the day of my next test, brings good changes. I really need my baby to cook for at least 4 more weeks until I'm 37 weeks along! Again, prayers appreciated.

Prayers for Baby Emma

2010-01-25T11:54:00.003-05:00

Today we had our 32 week ultrasound at the perinatal clinic. The only reason we've been going there is because that is where my OB sends all IVF pregnancies because they classify us as "high-risk." An ultrasound technician took all the measurements and baby Emma gave us some great poses. All the measurements (e.g. head, leg, abdomen) they took had her measuring at least at 32 weeks (which I am exactly today). We even got to see that she has some hair! We were on cloud nine.

Then the doctor came in with a slip in her hand. She informed us that our baby is quite small - 11th percentile - and as a precaution, they want me to start weekly nonstress tests to make sure the baby is growing properly. Of course, panic immediately set in. She said that her feeling is that nothing is wrong and that we are just going to have a small, 6lb-ish baby. But, because we are IVFers, she said she wants to take extra care and monitor the baby for 3 weeks and then take the weight again. I asked her, if there is a problem, what could it be? She said possibly a failing placenta and the baby would need to come early.

In my heart, I really feel like we have a healthy baby. She is very active and, according to Baby Center, is exactly where she is supposed to be weight-wise. She is estimated at 3lb 11oz that appears to be on track. But it is still so scary.

So, if you have a spare second, please offer up a prayer that our Baby Emma is growing right as she should and that any problems would be detected and addressed when we start the nonstress test next Monday. Thanks, friends!

29 Week Update in Pictures

2010-01-04T14:45:00.009-05:00

The holidays were terrific. Hubby and I had almost 2 weeks off - it was SO nice being able to relax, get things done around the house, see friends and family, and enjoy each others company. Baby, who is now officially Emma Grace, got loads of great stuff for Christmas, which was so much fun. Below are a few pictures...

Emma's New Glider. Storkcraft brand from Wal-Mart - great bargain - about $160 and that includes the ottoman!

Emma's New Dresser/Changing Table. Rockland brand from JCPenney. It matches the crib, which we are waiting to put together once the nursery gets cleaned out and we put up crown molding in a few weeks.

Emma's New Pack-n-Play. Graco brand in Townsend pattern. We'll use it as a bassinet.

Emma's New Clothes

Weekend Craft Project. I love the look of the pretty wooden letters you get to spell out the baby's name, but they are just so expensive. So I figured that hubby and I could make our own. He painted the striped "M," impressive, huh? We spent hours this weekend on this project - thankfully the baby's name is short. I still need to track down an "A" once Michael's craft store gets more in stock. The colors for the letters (and the nursery) are brown and pink, in case you can't tell.

Emma's Car Seat. Emma's cousin, Matthew, who just turned one, was nice enough to give her his old car seat, a Graco Safe Seat!

Mommy at 29 weeks

Double Digits and New York

2009-12-14T16:52:00.006-05:00

Perhaps a confusing title, but these are the two things on my mind today.

First, according to my little baby ticker, we are now in double digits until baby arrives. 98 days to go! The 6th month is coming to an end next week. Wow!

Second, we spent the weekend in New York City, trying to take advantage of being able to do things spur of the moment while we still can. We drove up to NYC Saturday morning (about 5 hours). Here's our trip in pictures. Hope you enjoy (and thanks to hubby for always being in my pictures!)

We spent the day walking around the city - it was beautiful but cold.

Had a delicious lunch at Junior's complete with their world famous cheesecake.

Had a FABULOUS dinner at Dylan Prime, a steakhouse in Tribeca that I highly recommend.

Then on Sunday morning, we went to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular with the Rockettes.

It really was a great trip, spending time together and getting into the Christmas spirit.

Sunday was capped off by hubby reading his first book to baby before we went to bed...one of my favorites from growing up..."Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." I know, not exactly an uplifting book but it made me laugh and warmed my heart! It was a very, very good weekend.

25 Weeks

2009-12-10T19:03:00.004-05:00

For your viewing pleasure, baby and me in all our glory at 25 weeks! I'm almost exclusively wearing maternity pants now (they are just so darn comfortable) but am still holding on to some non-maternity shirts (which are getting shorter and shorter by the day as my belly gets bigger and bigger).

Hubby and I are heading to New York City this weekend to celebrate his 32nd birthday. Interesting little fact, yesterday was the 14 year anniversary of our first date! We'll always remember that since it was the day before his birthday, which is actually today.

I'll hopefully have some fun pictures to post afterward. I got tickets today to see the Radio City Music Hall's Rockettes Christmas show. And we have dinner reservations for Saturday night at a steakhouse called Dylan Prime that came highly recommended. I'll let you know how it goes. Can't wait to see the tree and all the lights. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!