Where, oh where, did my sweet baby go? And breastfeeding nightmares.

I knew it was too good to last. And I was right.

Kate, who has been a dream since about 10 weeks - sleeping like a champ, rarely fussing, great eater - had turned an unfortunate corner.

Her sleep pattern has deteriorated significantly. While previously I could count on a regular 3 or 4 hour nap, now I'm lucky to get 1.5. And she's been waking up more at night, I think in large part to rolling on to her back and then not being able to get back over. Also, she's getting up much earlier than she used to (used to be about 10am, now it's closer to 8am).

And probably the most frustrating part has become feeding time. She literally starts screaming bloody murder as soon as she sees the boppy I use to breastfeed. Then she grunts and groans the whole time I'm feeding her - that's if I'm even able to get her to latch on. I don't know if she's paying me back for being gone last week for an overnight?

Yesterday I was about in tears as she was screaming. It is a very frustrating feeling to know that your baby needs to eat but then have her refuse. She seems to take a bottle ok - with formula, not breastmilk - but I don't know if I'm exacerbating the problem by getting her dependent on a bottle as I'd really like to breastfeed the full year like I did with Emma.

Any advice? I might call the hospital lactation consultant if it continues given how tiny Kate is to start with. Hopefully this is a short-lived phase. Could she be teething already?

Two new pictures

Wanted to share these two new pictures of my sweet girls...just because I think they are so cute! Enjoy the weekend.

Kate in the exersaucer for the first time. She's still much too small and we have to prop her up with a towel. Sometimes I wonder if she ever blinks, her eyes are so big!

Emma is wearing a hat that my Grammy knit for me when I was little. On this morning, she knew exactly what she wanted to wear and dug through all her hats until she found it.

Terrible [Early] Twos and Mommy Guilt

Yesterday was a tough day. On Mondays, I have Emma and Kate at home with me AND I actually try to do work. I know, crazy. Well, it certainly makes for a high stress day. Yesterday was one of those.

Emma has most definitely developed a strong will. I say "no, Emma, don't do x, y, or z." She looks at me straight in the eyes and continues to do it. I say "Emma, give me your plate so I can wash it." She grabs even harder onto the plate and then has a temper tantrum when I take it away. I know, she's a typical almost 2 year old. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I admit, I lose my patience in grand fashion. Yesterday, I felt like I was screaming at her all day. And then I feel guilty and try to explain to her why mommy gets so upset and how it could so easily be solved if she'd just listen to me. I get a "yes, mommy" in return. I calm down. And then 3 minutes later, I lose it again when she starts doing the exact same thing. The endless cycle!

Ugh! I think part of it is picking my battles. I tell her not to do something...she continues to do it...and then I feel like, in order to be consistent, I have to follow through and make her not do it anymore (even if it is something I guess really isn't that big of a deal). If I just didn't get in so deep on everything to start with, I think we'd both be happier. I wouldn't feel like a nasty hag screaming all the time and she wouldn't feel like mommy was always upset with her.

Any suggestions?