Being a martyr

I find myself, on a regular basis, being the martyr in the household. Weird, huh? Let me explain.

Example, husband offers to help me with something...I say, "no, I can do it" even though I would actually love some help. Why do I do this? It most certainly is not a positive thing because it only puts me in a bad mood and thinking "I do everything around the house." Do I want hubby to force me to let him help with something? Maybe. I guess I don't know what I want. I think part of it stems from my own independence, thinking I can do everything (or wanting to do it because I want it done my way).

Anyone else ever do the same thing or am I just a weirdo?

Recently I've been thinking a lot about some of my personality characteristics that I don't particularly like. This is just one of them. Perhaps some warm spring weather will put me in a better mood!

Where, oh where, did my sweet baby go? And breastfeeding nightmares.

I knew it was too good to last. And I was right.

Kate, who has been a dream since about 10 weeks - sleeping like a champ, rarely fussing, great eater - had turned an unfortunate corner.

Her sleep pattern has deteriorated significantly. While previously I could count on a regular 3 or 4 hour nap, now I'm lucky to get 1.5. And she's been waking up more at night, I think in large part to rolling on to her back and then not being able to get back over. Also, she's getting up much earlier than she used to (used to be about 10am, now it's closer to 8am).

And probably the most frustrating part has become feeding time. She literally starts screaming bloody murder as soon as she sees the boppy I use to breastfeed. Then she grunts and groans the whole time I'm feeding her - that's if I'm even able to get her to latch on. I don't know if she's paying me back for being gone last week for an overnight?

Yesterday I was about in tears as she was screaming. It is a very frustrating feeling to know that your baby needs to eat but then have her refuse. She seems to take a bottle ok - with formula, not breastmilk - but I don't know if I'm exacerbating the problem by getting her dependent on a bottle as I'd really like to breastfeed the full year like I did with Emma.

Any advice? I might call the hospital lactation consultant if it continues given how tiny Kate is to start with. Hopefully this is a short-lived phase. Could she be teething already?

Two new pictures

Wanted to share these two new pictures of my sweet girls...just because I think they are so cute! Enjoy the weekend.

Kate in the exersaucer for the first time. She's still much too small and we have to prop her up with a towel. Sometimes I wonder if she ever blinks, her eyes are so big!

Emma is wearing a hat that my Grammy knit for me when I was little. On this morning, she knew exactly what she wanted to wear and dug through all her hats until she found it.

Terrible [Early] Twos and Mommy Guilt

Yesterday was a tough day. On Mondays, I have Emma and Kate at home with me AND I actually try to do work. I know, crazy. Well, it certainly makes for a high stress day. Yesterday was one of those.

Emma has most definitely developed a strong will. I say "no, Emma, don't do x, y, or z." She looks at me straight in the eyes and continues to do it. I say "Emma, give me your plate so I can wash it." She grabs even harder onto the plate and then has a temper tantrum when I take it away. I know, she's a typical almost 2 year old. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I admit, I lose my patience in grand fashion. Yesterday, I felt like I was screaming at her all day. And then I feel guilty and try to explain to her why mommy gets so upset and how it could so easily be solved if she'd just listen to me. I get a "yes, mommy" in return. I calm down. And then 3 minutes later, I lose it again when she starts doing the exact same thing. The endless cycle!

Ugh! I think part of it is picking my battles. I tell her not to do something...she continues to do it...and then I feel like, in order to be consistent, I have to follow through and make her not do it anymore (even if it is something I guess really isn't that big of a deal). If I just didn't get in so deep on everything to start with, I think we'd both be happier. I wouldn't feel like a nasty hag screaming all the time and she wouldn't feel like mommy was always upset with her.

Any suggestions?

Kate at 3 1/2 Months

First I need to point out...TWO POSTS IN ONE WEEK! Shocking! Hopefully you were able to get up to speed on Emma at 22 months...if not, read here.

So, on to my sweet Sarah Kate...



She has really turned into a little sweetie pie. While the first 10 or so weeks of her life were pretty tough - I had to hold her all night long and she was very fussy, especially in the car - she seems to have mellowed out.

First, by the grace of God, I got a sleeper! She is such the polar opposite of Emma. Listen to this general sleeping routine.

• To bed around 8pm.
• I wake her up around 5am to eat.
• She goes right back to sleep until at least 10am (yesterday, it was 11:15am)
  
• Down for a nap around noon, which can last up to 4 hours.
• And finally a short "cat nap" in the PM

I keep holding my breath figuring that this is all going to change. But for now, I'm thanking my lucky stars. I will admit that her sleeping settled out when we started putting her down on her belly. I know, I know, don't judge me. But it works.

She's also a lot less fussy. She still has an ear piercing scream that she graces us with right before she falls asleep. But she usually will ride in the car without crying, which makes driving a whole lot less stressful.

Not sure about her size...she was right around 50% in everything at her 2 month check-up, though most people comment that she looks to be on the small side. She is definitely less sturdy than Emma was, meaning she has a floppier neck and just generally a newborn body. I've just started putting her into some 3-6 month clothes and size 2 diapers at night (since she sleeps so long, she was peeing out of her size 1).

Kate is a smiley baby and is pretty content to lay on our playmat while awake. We put her in the Bumbo seat some, too. She is quick to grab onto stuff within reach, be it a toy on her mat or my bra strap or hair while I'm feeding her. She has also become a finger sucker - her ring and middle finger - and I attribute her calmer demeanor to this now that she has something to soothe herself with.

We'll see how life changes as I head back to work on Monday. Yep, today is my last day of maternity leave. My sister-in-law will still have Emma three days a week but I'll keep Kate home with me (I work from home) for as long as I can. Pretty much until she gets too mobile for me to handle while juggling work. I feel very blessed to have the best of both worlds - stay-at-home mom and working mom - though sometimes it gets to be a little bit more than I can handle.

So, there you go. Consider yourself up-to-date on both of my precious girls. You're welcome!

Emma at 22 months

Very hard to believe that in two short months we'll have a two year old. How can it be?




And what a personality this little one has. Boy oh boy, she keeps us on our toes. She is equal parts strong-will and sweetness!

Some new things she's doing include asking us to chase her around the room; saying "that tickles me" every time we touch her; counts to 5; knows about half of the alphabet and several colors; asks to sit on the potty and doing a good job peeing on it; adores bouncing (both in her crib and on the trampoline we got her for Christmas); and giving us kisses without being asked or us giving her one first.

She talks up a storm but about half the time we only know what she is saying because of the context. Almost everything seems to start with the "b" sound (for example, TV is be-be).

I don't know about her size because we haven't been to the doctor in ages, but she is starting to wear 24 month clothes and even a few 2Ts.

She goes to bed between 7-7:30pm and sleeps until about 7:30am. However, the last few nights she's woken up at some point during the night screaming. The first few times, we went in to console her but then it would take forever to get her back to sleep. So last night I popped in some earplugs instead! And she continues to not be an impressive napper, usually going from about 1-2:30pm.

She's done remarkably well with the addition of Kate...once in a while, she'll ask us to put Kate down so she can be held, but generally, she doesn't show any jealously. She still loves to hug on Kate and asks to hold her all the time on her "shoulder" like we hold her.

I'll do a separate post on Kate later, but wanted to give Emma all the attention for once!

A Lazy Post

This blog has really gotten put on the backburner. For those who still care to follow, I apologize! Life has gotten away from me, especially during the busy holiday season.

So all I really have time and/or motivation to post right now is our Christmas card picture. Hopefully it's cute enough that you'll forgive me. Emma is 20 months and Kate is 2 months. Crazy!

Long Time, No Post

I'm still here, promise. I've thought about posting several times and have then gotten sidetracked. But here I am with my little 19 month old and a 1 month old.

Yep, Kate is already past the 1 month mark. She is now 8lb 6oz and 21" (was 6lb 12oz/18" at birth).

Sleep continues to be a challenge. While Kate sleeps a lot during the day, she has the typical newborn fussy period in the evening and then is up pretty much every 3 hours throughout the night (at this point with Emma, she was giving us 5-7 hour stretches; perhaps we were spoiled). But the biggest challenge is that she will not sleep in her bassinet, and, unlike Emma, refuses to sleep in the carseat. This means that most nights I end up holding her the entire night.

We have found one way to get her to sleep in the bassinet and, horror upon horror, it means placing her on her stomach. Which is like the worst sin a mother can do, at least that is how it is made out to be. I've really struggled with it, which is why I usually just hold her. But honestly, that is probably less safe than putting her on her stomach. Sigh, we'll see.

Here are a few recent pictures...

Kate went as Piglet for Halloween.

Emma was a piggy, her favorite animal, at least for right now.

She's Here!

Introducing Miss Sarah Kate Elder...

Kate arrived on Saturday, October 8th at 2:39pm, weighing 6lb 12 oz and measuring 18" long.

This delivery was TOTALLY different (much more painful) than Emma's. Kate arrived within an hour and a half of us arriving at the hospital and was done pretty much drug-free (not my choice!) because it happened so fast that they hardly had time to track down an anesthesiologist. It was crazy, but the end result is this precious girl, so I'm content.


Emma is so in love with baby Kate, probably a little too much, that I spend the entire day saying "gentle" and fending off ferocious hugs.


Now I think comes the even more challenging part, figuring out how to successfully juggle a newborn and a very active 18 month old. My heart breaks thinking about missing out on even a second of Emma's life while I tend to Kate's needs, and it is very hard for me to see Emma trying to adjust to such a shake up in her world. While she certainly loves her little sister, Emma is clearly out of sorts at this time. I'm praying that the adjustment goes smoothly on ALL of us.

A bunch of miscellaneous

Just like I'm currently doing in my life - trying to wrap up loose ends before the baby arrives - I want to do that on my blog. Post about all the random things going on to make sure they are properly captured.

So here goes...

Emma is 18 months old! I still can't believe how quickly the last 6 months have gone by. Oh my goodness, she is at a fun age. She has a fun personality, is talking so much, is so affectionate, and we can actually play together with the interactions going both ways. I think I must tell her that "Mommy loves her SO much" about a hundred times a day.

• I love all of her expressions and silliness
• She loves to sing and has quite a repertoire of songs that she knows
• She adores baby dolls and has gotten into changing their "stinky diapers"
• She doesn't watch much TV but does enjoy Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Bubble Guppies
• She's getting quite independent and wants to do things herself, like put her shoes on, which is just fine with me
• She can follow multi-step directions, like "take your socks off and put your shoes on" or "take this to the trash and throw it away"
• She is developing very good manners, saying "thank you, mommy" and "please, mommy" without prompting (melts my heart!)
• She acts like such a big girl...just yesterday, about 8 neighborhood girls ranging from 2nd to 5th grade came over to get Emma to play with them. It was just too sweet. I don't think Emma realized she wasn't their age.
• She talks a lot about Baby Kate (she says "Kate" so sweetly) but I'm sure she has no clue what is about to happen! We're working hard on teaching "be gentle!"

Here's Emma in her Virginia Tech gear for football season...go Hokies!

And another sweet one from last month. I think she's up to about 12 teeth!

The House! As you may recall, we made a big move this past March back to where our families live in Virginia. Since then, we've been slowly settling in and doing things around the house. The house had an unfinished basement that we JUST finished. I'm so happy to have that over with - took about 2 months! We've also added in new deck steps, changed out a lot of light fixtures throughout the house, and gotten a new refrigerator and microwave. New leather living room furniture is getting delivered tomorrow because I realized that the dark grey furniture we bought when we moved in is NOT cat friendly and WILL NOT be kid friendly.

The new baby! If baby comes when scheduled, we have 8 days left. Crazy! At my dr's appointment yesterday I was almost 3 cm dilated (that is a topic I never thought I'd voluntarily talk about!). I've gained 32 pounds so far, which is already 3 pounds more than I gained with Emma.

While I'm fine with baby staying in for as long as possible, I am done with this sciatica pain and just feeling big and blah. It's not that I'm not anxious to meet her, she's just much easier to care for in utero!

Here I am at 38 weeks.

I think that's about it. I'm guessing my next post will be a "baby is here" one so stay tuned!