Thursday, June 18, 2009

Scared for the first time

All along I have been 100% confident that we would eventually have our own baby. It just had to be that way, right? And I think I've done a good job maintaining a positive attitude. As we prepare to begin our first IVF cycle, I have seen the stats "half-full" clinic has about a 60% success rate for people my age and that is the number I've focused on, not the fact that I still have a 40% chance of a BFN at the end.

But driving home from work the other day, I all of a sudden faced the stark realization that there is a chance we will never be able to have our own baby. While I think adoption is a terrific option and would consider it without hesitation, the thought of never having a baby that is part my husband and part me was heart-breaking. I'm sure many of you have been through this realization process, but this was the first time for me.

And it made me sad and scared.

But then I had the best devotional this morning!

** Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

** Proverbs 16:9: In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Sometimes God just smacks you in the face and says I, NOT YOU, am in control!


  1. I found your blog on Lost & Found. Just wanted to stop in and say hi.

    The sadness and fear that you talk about in this post are very real to me as well, but somehow we still keep hoping. Thanks for the reminder that God is in control!

  2. I love Jeremiah 29:11...a friend sent me that piece of scripture after my first has really been my "go-to scripture" when I am feeling scared or down. I have it as my footer on my blog. I really like the Proverbs you posted too. I haven't seen that one before. Another I would like to share with you is James 1:2-4. I have a post about it in May titled "Pearls of Wisdom." I know sometimes we get scared, but I think it is important to keep seeing the glass as "half-full" and 60% is more than half right?

    Enjoying your blog! ;)

  3. ((hugs))

    It is hard when faced with the stats. But keep the faith, and do everything you can do (eat well, manage stress levels, QT with the hubby, etc) to promote success. And know that this is part of the roller coaster, you are not alone in feeling this way.

    Hang in there!! When do the shots start?