All along I have been 100% confident that we would eventually have our own baby. It just had to be that way, right? And I think I've done a good job maintaining a positive attitude. As we prepare to begin our first IVF cycle, I have seen the stats "half-full"...my clinic has about a 60% success rate for people my age and that is the number I've focused on, not the fact that I still have a 40% chance of a BFN at the end.
But driving home from work the other day, I all of a sudden faced the stark realization that there is a chance we will never be able to have our own baby. While I think adoption is a terrific option and would consider it without hesitation, the thought of never having a baby that is part my husband and part me was heart-breaking. I'm sure many of you have been through this realization process, but this was the first time for me.
And it made me sad and scared.
But then I had the best devotional this morning!
** Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
** Proverbs 16:9: In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Sometimes God just smacks you in the face and says I, NOT YOU, am in control!